If it’s any consolation Ben, I’m sure your work on Alfred has helped a lot of people. It’s definitely helped me personally. But I do question whether I would need recourse to apps like Alfred to get my health back on track if I’d set better (any!) boundaries in my own work life and invested more in my personal/home life. We only get one shot at this and it’s over very quickly so we need to put max time and effort into creating a harmonious environment to enjoy the time we have with the ones we love being with. To quote every airline safety briefing: “Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others”. Be well!
“Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” - love it! Thanks for your message Michaela, and is it's great to hear that Alfred is helping people outside of my friends and family!
You're certainly right that we only get one shot in life, and my greatest fear is not to live an exciting and meaningful life, and I can't thank you enough for your support.
I think it’s important to understand why we work first, to help keep everything in perspective. Ultimately, the good parts of being in the workforce (contributing to society, personal growth and money to pay the bills) don’t mean anything if we have sacrificed our health. Sacrificing our health will catch up with us ultimately anyway, so ignoring the issue is just deferring it. Good luck Ben and all the best 👍
100%!!! I don't think people have taken the time to think about their "why", and I believe the good parts of being in the work force can be achieved by anyone IF they make their health their top priority. Something I'm trying to help people do with my writing and Alfred. Thanks for the message!
I identify with all of this so much. I burnt out to the point of quitting my job in January and there’s a lot that hits close to home there about identity and importance. I did everything wrong on the boundary setting. It’s this common theme to think putting ourselves first is selfish. Now I know if my bucket is empty, I can’t give to anyone else. So, I’m filling my bucket first and I love it. :-)
I'm sorry to hear this Doc as the medical community can't afford to lose people like you. But I hope one day your bucket is overflowing and you decide to head back. I also really like the bucket analogy. Very similar to “Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” as Michaela mentioned below.
Great topic Ben - and one that I'm very passionate about!
First thing I'd suggest is that people need to choose what their boundaries are - and limit them to a "top 3" list if possible. It's pretty hard to get by in a work setting if you aren't prepared to compromise or budge on anything!
This problem comes up a *lot* when I'm working with my coaching clients and one of the questions I like to ask is "What benefit are you getting from not making a change (or staying the same)?"
At first, it seems like there is no benefit. "I'm burning out and stressed, there is no benefit to this!"
But often I've found the benefit is there under the surface. Here are some examples:
- If I stay the same, I don't have to have a hard conversation to set a boundary
- If I stay the same, I feel important and needed because I'm always working
- If I stay the same, I can keep working, because without working all the time I don't know what else I would do.
- If I stay the same, I won't disappoint my boss / my team / my family.
Once you know that "benefit", we can start to challenge it - is it *really* helping? And is the benefit true and real?
Great post and thanks for sharing your insights on this.
Ben meet Kate. She use to be our Brumbies Doctor and is a bit of legend. She's also started her own Substack writing about the damages misinformation is having on the medical community. A super important topic and a great read!
Thanks Ben! I'm surprised to hear how common this is, and in your experience, how have you got people to dig deeper to find the benefits from setting boundaries? And challenge those 4 thought patterns? Or can't you and you just have to wait till they burnout?
You can definitely challenge them. Once you find the person's "why" for their burn out behaviour, then we can discuss whether these beliefs are really helping.
But the key is them realising that the pattern is problematic, and then being able to see that the discomfort of taking action is less than keeping going the same way.
Once you get there, it's about working together to develop actions that help them gradually make progress and supporting them to execute on them.
Usually then they start to build confidence that they can improve their situation.
Never an easy process but the rewards can be amazing!
Jul 9, 2022·edited Jul 9, 2022Liked by Ben Alexander
Burnout. I also wrote an article on it from a neuroscience perspective, how it happens on the brain level and what's one necessary practice to prevent it forever.
As for boundaries.
I prefer "the buckets" framework when it comes to time management.
I have buckets for sleep, exercise, eating, social connections and relationships, reading and writing, learning, leisure. And work. These are all time buckets.
So my work GETS 6-7 hours. No more. There are only 24 hours a day and as a "human being machine" I require certain maintenance for health and well-being, like all the other buckets mentioned.
As an integrative health/recovery/nutrition coach, I have the luxury to know the science of what it takes to maintain optimal well-being. And I simply allocate time buckets to each area.
I'm pretty excited about my work! Absolutely love it!
But I know if I neglect other areas of "human machine" maintenance - that will suffer as well, along with my health and well-being that in the long-term might cause HUGE dips in the quality of my work.
And so I make peace with my humanity. I allocate sufficient time for each bucket of deeper health. And I keep going day after day.
I think to answer the question - people lack education of brain-body manual and how to maintain optimal health long-term.
Nice Angela and I'm going give the bucket idea a try! I've only recently started prioritising my energy over my time and energy, but to have a framework for how I spend my time on the things that give me energy is great suggestion.
I highly recommend anyone reading this comment to check out Angela's awesome blog - Brain Breakthrough Lifestyle.
Give it a try Ben! (It definitely took me time to adjust) You know, we all have 24 hours a day, so it just makes sense to make all our activities time-bound. We can't stretch the day, we have the same health demands so we need to learn to live sustainably in a 24-hour cycle! And thank you for the recommendation!
If it’s any consolation Ben, I’m sure your work on Alfred has helped a lot of people. It’s definitely helped me personally. But I do question whether I would need recourse to apps like Alfred to get my health back on track if I’d set better (any!) boundaries in my own work life and invested more in my personal/home life. We only get one shot at this and it’s over very quickly so we need to put max time and effort into creating a harmonious environment to enjoy the time we have with the ones we love being with. To quote every airline safety briefing: “Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others”. Be well!
“Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” - love it! Thanks for your message Michaela, and is it's great to hear that Alfred is helping people outside of my friends and family!
You're certainly right that we only get one shot in life, and my greatest fear is not to live an exciting and meaningful life, and I can't thank you enough for your support.
This is something I’ve been working hard on since ending my 21 year marriage. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better everyday.
For me it was about self-respect. I now tell myself that if I burnout, I am no use to anyone, let alone me and my loved ones
I'm trying to get better at it everyday too and think its a life long work in progress!
Thanks for sharing Fi, and I'm looking forward to working together to support KPMG staff Australia wide.
I think it’s important to understand why we work first, to help keep everything in perspective. Ultimately, the good parts of being in the workforce (contributing to society, personal growth and money to pay the bills) don’t mean anything if we have sacrificed our health. Sacrificing our health will catch up with us ultimately anyway, so ignoring the issue is just deferring it. Good luck Ben and all the best 👍
100%!!! I don't think people have taken the time to think about their "why", and I believe the good parts of being in the work force can be achieved by anyone IF they make their health their top priority. Something I'm trying to help people do with my writing and Alfred. Thanks for the message!
I identify with all of this so much. I burnt out to the point of quitting my job in January and there’s a lot that hits close to home there about identity and importance. I did everything wrong on the boundary setting. It’s this common theme to think putting ourselves first is selfish. Now I know if my bucket is empty, I can’t give to anyone else. So, I’m filling my bucket first and I love it. :-)
I'm sorry to hear this Doc as the medical community can't afford to lose people like you. But I hope one day your bucket is overflowing and you decide to head back. I also really like the bucket analogy. Very similar to “Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others” as Michaela mentioned below.
Great topic Ben - and one that I'm very passionate about!
First thing I'd suggest is that people need to choose what their boundaries are - and limit them to a "top 3" list if possible. It's pretty hard to get by in a work setting if you aren't prepared to compromise or budge on anything!
This problem comes up a *lot* when I'm working with my coaching clients and one of the questions I like to ask is "What benefit are you getting from not making a change (or staying the same)?"
At first, it seems like there is no benefit. "I'm burning out and stressed, there is no benefit to this!"
But often I've found the benefit is there under the surface. Here are some examples:
- If I stay the same, I don't have to have a hard conversation to set a boundary
- If I stay the same, I feel important and needed because I'm always working
- If I stay the same, I can keep working, because without working all the time I don't know what else I would do.
- If I stay the same, I won't disappoint my boss / my team / my family.
Once you know that "benefit", we can start to challenge it - is it *really* helping? And is the benefit true and real?
Great post and thanks for sharing your insights on this.
Ben
Ooh number 2 on that ‘if I stay the same’ list hits hard! Great insight, thanks Ben!
Cool question hey? I ask myself that one too :)
Ben meet Kate. She use to be our Brumbies Doctor and is a bit of legend. She's also started her own Substack writing about the damages misinformation is having on the medical community. A super important topic and a great read!
https://kategazzard.substack.com/p/when-did-we-become-the-enemy
Excellent, thanks for the intro and good to meet you Kate 😀 Will check out the blog too!
Thanks Ben! I'm surprised to hear how common this is, and in your experience, how have you got people to dig deeper to find the benefits from setting boundaries? And challenge those 4 thought patterns? Or can't you and you just have to wait till they burnout?
You can definitely challenge them. Once you find the person's "why" for their burn out behaviour, then we can discuss whether these beliefs are really helping.
But the key is them realising that the pattern is problematic, and then being able to see that the discomfort of taking action is less than keeping going the same way.
Once you get there, it's about working together to develop actions that help them gradually make progress and supporting them to execute on them.
Usually then they start to build confidence that they can improve their situation.
Never an easy process but the rewards can be amazing!
How do you help them find the "why" behind their burnout and get them to identify the problematic pattern?
By having coaching conversations, asking a lot of questions to try to help them see their situation differently.
No perfect set of questions, just depends on the situation.
Burnout. I also wrote an article on it from a neuroscience perspective, how it happens on the brain level and what's one necessary practice to prevent it forever.
As for boundaries.
I prefer "the buckets" framework when it comes to time management.
I have buckets for sleep, exercise, eating, social connections and relationships, reading and writing, learning, leisure. And work. These are all time buckets.
So my work GETS 6-7 hours. No more. There are only 24 hours a day and as a "human being machine" I require certain maintenance for health and well-being, like all the other buckets mentioned.
As an integrative health/recovery/nutrition coach, I have the luxury to know the science of what it takes to maintain optimal well-being. And I simply allocate time buckets to each area.
I'm pretty excited about my work! Absolutely love it!
But I know if I neglect other areas of "human machine" maintenance - that will suffer as well, along with my health and well-being that in the long-term might cause HUGE dips in the quality of my work.
And so I make peace with my humanity. I allocate sufficient time for each bucket of deeper health. And I keep going day after day.
I think to answer the question - people lack education of brain-body manual and how to maintain optimal health long-term.
Nice Angela and I'm going give the bucket idea a try! I've only recently started prioritising my energy over my time and energy, but to have a framework for how I spend my time on the things that give me energy is great suggestion.
I highly recommend anyone reading this comment to check out Angela's awesome blog - Brain Breakthrough Lifestyle.
https://brainbreakthrough.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_content=comment_metadata
Give it a try Ben! (It definitely took me time to adjust) You know, we all have 24 hours a day, so it just makes sense to make all our activities time-bound. We can't stretch the day, we have the same health demands so we need to learn to live sustainably in a 24-hour cycle! And thank you for the recommendation!