Work Boundaries
Burnt out. Undervalued. Under appreciated.
Last week I shared how seeing a psychologist helped me identify unhelpful thinking patterns, and how seeing those as a ‘waste of energy’ helped me beat depression.
I feel like my old energetic self, but I still have much to do to avoid landing back in Gayelene’s office, burnout and in despair.
As I started feeling better, I started asking Gayelene questions to better understand what causes depression.
“What’s the most common cause of depression you see?”
“That’s an easy one Ben. Almost all of the people I see fail to set boundaries with work. They can’t say no and try to please everyone else at the expense of their own health. Then they eventually burnout and come see me.”
I was shocked and realised that I’d allowed Alfred to creep into every part of my life.
Helping people to stop beating themselves up for what they eat (like I use to) is what I’ve set out to do in life after Rugby, and I’d worked on Alfred every day since retiring, often sending Jen and the girls on holiday without me.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but not allowing my brain to “switch off” played a huge part in my depression, even though I was doing all the right things with exercise, nutrition and sleep.
I’m no boundary setting expert, but according to this article, failing to set boundaries can not only lead to burnout, but can leave people feeling under valued and under appreciated at work.
It also says:
“Having poor boundaries often means you're responsive and drawn into other people's needs and expectations at the expense of your own. This leads to a loss of control over your own work and results, which is not only depressing, but it leads to even worse control over your boundaries”.
Plus with all the working from home arrangements, work can now creep into every aspect of our lives leaving us little time for rest.
Something I’m very mindful of at my new role at KPMG.
But why?
Why are so many people failing to set boundaries and working themselves into the ground?
Is it because people’s identity is tied to what they do for work?
Or is it because we just don’t feel confident enough to say “No” and worry about the repercussions?
And if that’s the case, why? Why don’t we feel confident? Why can’t we tell work we need time to prioritise our health, so we have the energy to be at our best?
I always thought hard workers are the ones rewarded, but I’m not sure what the reward is for burning out.
Got any tips for setting work boundaries? If so, please share them in the comments below.
I’d really appreciate it. Cheers.
Recent Blogs:
Ben Wars: The Return of the Energy
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If it’s any consolation Ben, I’m sure your work on Alfred has helped a lot of people. It’s definitely helped me personally. But I do question whether I would need recourse to apps like Alfred to get my health back on track if I’d set better (any!) boundaries in my own work life and invested more in my personal/home life. We only get one shot at this and it’s over very quickly so we need to put max time and effort into creating a harmonious environment to enjoy the time we have with the ones we love being with. To quote every airline safety briefing: “Put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others”. Be well!
This is something I’ve been working hard on since ending my 21 year marriage. I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better everyday.
For me it was about self-respect. I now tell myself that if I burnout, I am no use to anyone, let alone me and my loved ones