It sounds like you're pretty well across it all and at the risk of double stating, I always remind myself that stress is part of life and we need it to grow. The trick is stopping the stress before it becomes overwhelming and making sure that the things that cause us stress are associated with a positive outcome, or something worth it.
Eg. stress about Alfred hitting a KPI would be a positive stressor because you love it. Stress about something you're not really invested in but have responsibility for would be a negative stressor.
Forgive myself for mistakes of the past and accept that while I had the best of intentions, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, and at least I’ve learned a ton about myself along the way, and wiser for the experience.
Firstly, I'm very proud of you for saying fuck. Swearing isn't crass when used to portray how we feel. It's fuckin' necessary. I love it. The thing here is though, we don't lose if we learn. Maybe Alfred doesn't exist right now if not for what you did. You can't predict a force majeure. Your family is fine, you're fine, and life is still good.
I'm finding with the work I am doing myself, it's about getting better at identifying the stressors earlier. Nipping them in the bud before they get too big. Keep them manageable. It's hard. But if we get a bit better at it each day, we're in a better position than yesterday.
I'm excited for you to get back to the psych, mate. This stint I've done recently with mine has been incredible for me. I hope you find the same.
Thanks mate and my Mum has told me multiple times to stop swearing on here. "F*&% off Mum" hahahaha
Alfred wouldn't exist and is heading in the right direction, and I only lose sight of that when I'm tired miss the comfort of my old home.
Thanks for the inspiration mate with going back to the psych. I didn't want to mention you and breeny where the ones just incase, but you've just let the cat out of the bag! lol. Excited to see how we're all going in 12 months time. We've all done so well this year.
“Mum, from the bottom of my heart, fuck off. With love, Ben.”
Mate, even if Alfred was to fail, you will know that you gave it absolutely everything you had and there’s some peace in knowing that.
No need to thank me. I don’t care. I’ve spoken a fair bit about it on here anyway. I want to be open about it to help reduce the stigma around seeking help or even doing some mental health maintenance.
It’s been the most insane year of my life, personally. I feel like it’s really starting to settle now though and for the first time in a while I’m starting yo feel genuinely excited for the future rather than intimidated by it. I think it’s the small changes consistently executed.
Sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. You are not alone but you are braver than many of us for sharing your thoughts. Please keep on sharing.
Thanks for sharing so honestly mate. It was good to see your effective thought challenging for the various "thought errors" that had been plaguing you....I am sure your Psych would be proud!. Until you address these thoughts they will continue to dictate your mood and in turn, your energy to deal with all elements of life.
Your point about "overdoing it" is an interesting one. I find by being active and juggling numerous balls satisfying and keeps me from drifting into negative thoughts. I am currently at a challenging time in my life as a new amputee but I am determined to get back to "normal" life as assertively as possible. This has included learning to walk again, getting back on the golf course, throwing myself into work including overseas travel and getting my drivers license back. I have felt exhausted at times but I have also felt I have achieved so much in a short period of time. Hence, the double-edged sword.
Go well mate and take it easy on yourself. Clearly you are very decent human.
My issue with juggling numerous things is that I don't end up doing anything really well. "I find by being active and juggling numerous balls satisfying and keeps me from drifting into negative thoughts." I can relate to this, and think my rushing around doing lots of stuff was a coping mechanism for me to avoid dealing with my issues. Hoping once I'm done with them, I can so slow down and focus on the task that's most meaningful, which is my work with Alfred and help people recharge.
Thanks again mate and I feel working thru all these issues will help me "go easy on myself" and stop racing around doing so much.
Sounds like you're learning and growing like we are supposed to :)
Glad to hear you're getting the help/support that you need too.
Sorry for the loss of both your grandfathers too. I've bought a book that was a Mark Manson recommended must read about death, will check the title when I get home. I feel you on that, death is scary and we only get the one life so we want to make the most of it.
"Winner of the Pulitzer prize in 1974 and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie -- man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than twenty years after its writing. "
Thanks Mick! You're welcome mate and you're right. My career is going to take more time to develop than I'd like, but it will develop. Hope you're well.
Very good to hear that you are seeing your psychologist. That's a lot of change (=grief) in a short time and you are in good hands if you can work through this with a professional you trust. Also, be kind to yourself. You don't need to over-achieve: just showing up is sometimes enough.
Thank you Sarah and I'm in great hands with Gayelene. She's already set me a challenege which I'll share soon, and totally agree re showing up... but often that's the hardest part when you feel like hiding!
It sounds like you're pretty well across it all and at the risk of double stating, I always remind myself that stress is part of life and we need it to grow. The trick is stopping the stress before it becomes overwhelming and making sure that the things that cause us stress are associated with a positive outcome, or something worth it.
Eg. stress about Alfred hitting a KPI would be a positive stressor because you love it. Stress about something you're not really invested in but have responsibility for would be a negative stressor.
Forgive myself for mistakes of the past and accept that while I had the best of intentions, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, and at least I’ve learned a ton about myself along the way, and wiser for the experience.
Firstly, I'm very proud of you for saying fuck. Swearing isn't crass when used to portray how we feel. It's fuckin' necessary. I love it. The thing here is though, we don't lose if we learn. Maybe Alfred doesn't exist right now if not for what you did. You can't predict a force majeure. Your family is fine, you're fine, and life is still good.
I'm finding with the work I am doing myself, it's about getting better at identifying the stressors earlier. Nipping them in the bud before they get too big. Keep them manageable. It's hard. But if we get a bit better at it each day, we're in a better position than yesterday.
I'm excited for you to get back to the psych, mate. This stint I've done recently with mine has been incredible for me. I hope you find the same.
Thanks mate and my Mum has told me multiple times to stop swearing on here. "F*&% off Mum" hahahaha
Alfred wouldn't exist and is heading in the right direction, and I only lose sight of that when I'm tired miss the comfort of my old home.
Thanks for the inspiration mate with going back to the psych. I didn't want to mention you and breeny where the ones just incase, but you've just let the cat out of the bag! lol. Excited to see how we're all going in 12 months time. We've all done so well this year.
Sometimes there is just no other word to describe it other than an F bomb hahaha
100%
Totally agree. A little stress is very helpful. But a lot is crippling. Gotta always be trying to find the balance, and keep re-balancing when needed.
“Mum, from the bottom of my heart, fuck off. With love, Ben.”
Mate, even if Alfred was to fail, you will know that you gave it absolutely everything you had and there’s some peace in knowing that.
No need to thank me. I don’t care. I’ve spoken a fair bit about it on here anyway. I want to be open about it to help reduce the stigma around seeking help or even doing some mental health maintenance.
It’s been the most insane year of my life, personally. I feel like it’s really starting to settle now though and for the first time in a while I’m starting yo feel genuinely excited for the future rather than intimidated by it. I think it’s the small changes consistently executed.
Sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. You are not alone but you are braver than many of us for sharing your thoughts. Please keep on sharing.
Thanks Scott. Will do.
Thanks for sharing so honestly mate. It was good to see your effective thought challenging for the various "thought errors" that had been plaguing you....I am sure your Psych would be proud!. Until you address these thoughts they will continue to dictate your mood and in turn, your energy to deal with all elements of life.
Your point about "overdoing it" is an interesting one. I find by being active and juggling numerous balls satisfying and keeps me from drifting into negative thoughts. I am currently at a challenging time in my life as a new amputee but I am determined to get back to "normal" life as assertively as possible. This has included learning to walk again, getting back on the golf course, throwing myself into work including overseas travel and getting my drivers license back. I have felt exhausted at times but I have also felt I have achieved so much in a short period of time. Hence, the double-edged sword.
Go well mate and take it easy on yourself. Clearly you are very decent human.
Thanks Tone and she is.
My issue with juggling numerous things is that I don't end up doing anything really well. "I find by being active and juggling numerous balls satisfying and keeps me from drifting into negative thoughts." I can relate to this, and think my rushing around doing lots of stuff was a coping mechanism for me to avoid dealing with my issues. Hoping once I'm done with them, I can so slow down and focus on the task that's most meaningful, which is my work with Alfred and help people recharge.
Thanks again mate and I feel working thru all these issues will help me "go easy on myself" and stop racing around doing so much.
Love your way mate. I think you're inspiring a lot of us to live better lives after your career has finished.
Thanks mate. You're inspiring a lot of people too.
Sending love and kindness your way Ben!
Sounds like you're learning and growing like we are supposed to :)
Glad to hear you're getting the help/support that you need too.
Sorry for the loss of both your grandfathers too. I've bought a book that was a Mark Manson recommended must read about death, will check the title when I get home. I feel you on that, death is scary and we only get the one life so we want to make the most of it.
Thanks Clare! And it is. Very scary.
It's called The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker.
"Winner of the Pulitzer prize in 1974 and the culmination of a life's work, The Denial of Death is Ernest Becker's brilliant and impassioned answer to the "why" of human existence. In bold contrast to the predominant Freudian school of thought, Becker tackles the problem of the vital lie -- man's refusal to acknowledge his own mortality. In doing so, he sheds new light on the nature of humanity and issues a call to life and its living that still resonates more than twenty years after its writing. "
I’ll read it when I’m dead lol
you never know, when I finally get around to reading it I might write a summary ahaha
Yes please! Love a good summary
https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Acres-of-Diamonds-Audiobook/B00FOA6DEI?qid=1669077477&sr=1-1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=771c6463-05d7-4981-9b47-920dc34a70f1&pf_rd_r=CECJC3TR0BWC9M6491C2. You’re welcome ☺️
Thanks Ben. What's it about?
G'day Ben
Sorry to hear about your Grandpa's passing.
Office Careers take time to develop....same as footy careers.
Look after yourself and be well.
Thanks for the inspiration and advice you have provided to me.
Mick
Thanks Mick! You're welcome mate and you're right. My career is going to take more time to develop than I'd like, but it will develop. Hope you're well.
Very good to hear that you are seeing your psychologist. That's a lot of change (=grief) in a short time and you are in good hands if you can work through this with a professional you trust. Also, be kind to yourself. You don't need to over-achieve: just showing up is sometimes enough.
Thank you Sarah and I'm in great hands with Gayelene. She's already set me a challenege which I'll share soon, and totally agree re showing up... but often that's the hardest part when you feel like hiding!