Why are we so hard on ourselves?
And what's causing so many people to beat themselves up.
Recently I realised I’ve been too hard on myself.
And after last week’s posts, many of you reached out to say you're hard on yourself too.
So this week, I want to explore why and understand why so many people are giving themselves a tough time.
Wanting to improve is great.
But why are so many of us beating ourselves up trying to do it?
I don’t know for sure. But I have a few ideas and would love to know what you think.
One could be our decreasing ability to be patient.
Streaming services mean we no longer have to wait for our favourite weekly shows.
Tinder and Uber Eats mean dates and food are ready at the swipe or tap of a button.
And with home delivery getting faster, we can receive online purchases the next day, all of which reduces our ability to be patient.
We’ve become so used to getting what we want now, that when we want to do something hard, like improve our life/career/body, we resort to beating ourselves up in an attempt to get us motivated enough to change quickly.
Then, we beat ourselves up even more when we’re unable to make the unrealistic improvements that we wanted to happen instantly.
Couple that with the fact that we can now see the best of other people’s lives more often via Instagram, and it’s no wonder so many people think they need to improve.
Because according to Insta, everyone is living their best life… right?
Another reason I think we beat ourselves up has to do with 'tall poppy syndrome' gone mad, which has become a cancer on Australian society.
Being humble is great and a trait we want to see in all Australians.
But our culture has gone too far and we now think it’s bad to be proud of ourselves, which is fostering a mindset that’s focused on our shortcomings.
And I reckon the reason tall poppy syndrome has gone overboard has a lot to do with keyboard warriors.
Sad and depressed individuals waiting for someone doing well to trip up, so they can chop them down and feel better about themselves.
And this kind of toxic behaviour might be why we're all focusing more on our mistakes than our wins, as I know trolls had that impact on me during my rugby career.
Anyway, I could be wrong, but from now on, I’m going to be much kinder and treat myself as I would a friend.
Honest, patient and never abusive, because I’ve got a lot on my plate and I won’t get everything done if I waste energy beating myself up.
I think the main issue is lack of patience and being too influenced by the expectations of others. As you mentioned, we can have material things with a tap of our fingers and a tap of our card but growth takes time and is not linear. Some days we will achieve big things like finishing a project at work or achieving a fitness goal, whereas others, getting out of bed is an achievement.
We need to embrace the zig zag line of life a bit more.
I think it’s a lot to do with the mindset ‘stuff’ you mention Ben.
We all know the most important person you speak to everyday is yourself! Self talk impacts our self esteem, sense of worth; ultimately how we position ourselves in what’s becoming an incredibly complex world. There is drive in us that wants get better, achieve more, strengthen connections but the tendency is to reflect more on the negative.
Focusing on the +1%’s doesn’t seem to hold as much value as it should.