Why I needed a break from writing

I hate being busy

I used to pride myself on being busy because I thought it meant I was important.

And to show off how important I was, I would share everything I’m doing trying to win reader’s approval.

But in reality, being busy just reflects my poor organisation and prioritisation skills, and reinforces the painful truth that I’m no longer fully in-charge of my time.

And while I’m trying to do meaningful work, the past month has been intense and, at times, unfulfilling, which has left me with little energy to write.

Which I hate.

I’ve had the time to write because I can see my screen time has skyrocketed. Time I could have spent writing and reminds me I’m not actually time-poor. I’m just energy-poor, and I procrastinate when I’m tired.

Writing is important to me, and the fact I haven’t had the energy to write is a sign the wheels of my weekly routine have fallen off.

But back-to-back quiet weekends of nothing (apart from some exercise) and the fact I’ve moved to 3 days at KPMG has me recharged and ready to pick up the pen/keyboard again.

I love writing about what’s on my mind because it helps me learn and find gaps in my thinking. Plus sharing my ideas publicly exposes them and shows me how incomplete many of them are. Ideas that make perfect sense while their curled up and safe inside my head.

REVISITING WHY I WRITE

After nearly 3 years of writing this blog, writing has become a habit, and not being able to do it, is a warning sign my brain is on overdrive and I’m struggling to slow it down. Which is something I have to do if I want to think clearly and prioritise well.

I know it might sound obvious, but I've finally figured out that my brain goes into overdrive when I have too much stuff on, especially when it’s stuff that doesn’t give me energy.

So my mind just speeds up to get it all done quickly, which is not a great place to be to do deep thinking and thoughtful writing.

Another thing that’s been holding me back from writing recently, has been the guilt that I haven’t written any specifically for my paid subscribers.

I’m overwhelmed and grateful some of you have parted with your hard-earned to support my writing, and the fact that I haven’t repaid you yet is weighing heavily, and the guilt is draining energy.

This makes me think turning on the paid subscription option might not have been the right one. I never started writing to make money. But somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that.

I started writing simply to become a better communicator after struggling with a simple uni assignment made me realise my communications skills were the cause of Alfred’s failures.

It wasn’t to help others, discuss big problems or make money.

It was just to organise my thoughts so I could become a better thinker and clearer communicator. Things I believe writing helps me do.

So with that in mind, I'm going back to square one and focus more on slowing down to make sure I have the energy to write.

And for those of you who I know personally, if you’re ever worried about me, know my warning sign – my canary in the coal mine – is when I can't slow down to find the write.

That's when you'll know I’ve let life get too fast again, and may need a reminder to slow down.

Cheers.