After spending a lot of my career "being strong" I realise now that strength comes from vulnerability and am still working through what this looks like. Reading that others are travelling the same path is encouraging.
Plus, I love talking about rugby, even tangentially.
I reckon being vulnerable is just expressing how you feel, especially when things aren't going great. And being vulnerable around people I trusted helped them to realise that I was in a really bad place, open to receiving help, and the start of my recovery.
I love talking about Rugby too... though I'm bit worried England might bounce back and get us tomorrow night!
Yes, that's possible. English husband inadvertently accepted a dinner/concert invitation for Saturday so at least if they beat us I don't have to hear him gloat in real time.
I think all the "my life is awesome" content is preventing people from having meaningful connections, and the lack of those is playing a big part in the mental health crisis. Many people post on social media pretending their happy to distract themselves from their reality, and you certainly won't be getting any pictures of business class airfare tickets or the Almalfi coast in here!
Thanks again for all your support on my journey mate, and sorry to be ruining your morning coffee!!
2. I love that even though you appear super accomplished and you've done so much, there's so much more to the story. I feel that transitioning careers for someone like yourself is not something people ever really think or talk about and it's a journey that many people can benefit from, whether it's going from pro athlete to 'civilian' or someone considering a change of careers (something that is such a hot topic at the moment)
3. Life is full of struggle, it effects everyone. People often forget this and feel that they're alone win their struggles. It's often hard to open up about this, even though there's constant messaging about it being OK to talk about. The truth is that if someone asks "Are you actually OK?" a lot of people don't know how to respond and if the question receives a genuine response, a lot of people aren't equipped to fully support the person. I feel that by you writing your struggles down and getting them out into the world tells people that there's a way to tell people about how you're feeling and there's a supportive audience to help. A way for you to connect with people you might not normally encounter and a way for others to see that there's always a way to talk about things.
Love the blog and look forward to when it pops up in the inbox.
How to transition careers is certainly not talked about enough, as the generation before our's just picked one career and stuck with it for life. Career switching is a new phenomenon and one you've done well, which is why I reckon people would be interested to know how you did it via your blog.
I've only recently learned how many people have a struggle going on in the background via the R4R rag. Been blown away by the runners openness by sharing everything from eating disorders, suicide attempts, divorces, death of family members and more. And it's making me realise that true connection is based on sharing a common struggling... and that's that we're all struggling in one or another! And that's ok.
Thanks for the feedback and support mate. I really really appreciate it and catch up for a run soon. Need to drag Buke along before he heads o/s!
1. I'm your mate and have a genuine interest in your life beyond rugby, the pub and Alfred
2. Being your mate, I get to see your persona as a mate, but never get the opportunity to see what happens behind the curtains
3. What makes your story quite compelling is the stark contradt between my perception of your reality and the truth about your struggles in life - so if a guy who I consider to be hugely successful shares the same struggles as I do, then that makes me feel a bit better about myself.
I think regardless of success, people always struggle at times (death of family members, illness etc) and I hope that by sharing mine, people can feel ok about theirs and know they'll be better for it once they get thru.
I first spoke to you on Twitter about a new government app and we kind of disagreed, but unlike most interactions online were both respectful. I knew you from the wallabies of course, and you were a role model for me I guess. Now I read your blog because firstly you seem like a top bloke. Secondly, you are brutally honest about the stuff you have been through and how you have dealt with it. More honest than I would be I suspect, and I respect that. I come from an IT / Design background and have never played rugby, so am coming at your blog from a different place to a lot of people, but ultimately a lot of what you talk about rings true with me and what I have experienced.
I was arguing that the covidsafe app under Stuart Robert was absolutely bound to be useless. You were questioning why i thought that. Who was right? Who knows :P
I spent the first half of my life working for a large American tech company (you would know them well). I worked as a Systems Engineer. In my late 20's I realised I was in love with design, particularly multimedia / digital / UX, so I went back to uni (at 27 as a mature age student) and studied Design (Multimedia Systems).
It was hard to work part-time while studying full-time at that age. After graduating, I continued to work at the tech company because although I didn't love it, I didn't hate it. I stayed 3 years longer than I should have, but eventually left and started working freelance for myself. Again, it was really hard, i taught myself everything from how to use Sketch to how send invoices and chase money (ugh). When I look back at that time, I realise I had no idea what I was doing and the quality of work wasn't great, but it was a process I guess. I did that for about 2 years and burned through some cash just living.
I then started working for a global agency as a digital designer - IA / UI/UX / web / etc. After working there for a year, I felt like I was getting somewhere in my (new) career, but was still full of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. I then decided to go and live in Japan for a few years. Something I had always wanted to do, but while I was there I wasn't working as a designer, so the longer I spent there, the more out of touch I felt.
After three years, I moved back to Melbourne and the agency I worked for hired me back. I have now been here almost 4 years and am a senior designer. I'm doing less digital stuff these days but I really miss it. Next move will be back to digital product design. That is probably more than you wanted to know, but I had a career change too. I can definately relate to some of the darker times.
Hahahaha I think we know who was right and it wasn't me! Hahahaha. What made you realise that you love design and what tech company did you work for? No need to answer if you don't feel comfortable.
I really had no idea what design was until my mid-20's when I was at a concert and the group had giant video screens and very cool installation art. I discovered it was done by a design agency in London, and from there started to explore the world of design. Having a tech background (company was HP), it was a natural fit for me to get into multimedia / digital design.
I'm not even sure I would have the courage to change careers again, but I was lucky in that I had a choice. I guess with professional sports people, the clock is ticking. Pretty scary.
Yeah, I didn't have the courage and like you said, the clock was ticking. But what helped me make the decision was that I knew what I wanted to do. I've just struggled to make it happen.
Good question! I had to have a really good think about why I started to read your blog and then why I continued. The simple answer is that I followed you through your rugby career. I have known a couple of the brumbies quite well. I always wondered and even felt concerned about what happens when there is no more rugby, no training, no mates, no adrenalin, no dopamine and no purpose. I felt that you were honest, vulnerable and true to what this meant for you. I do not think that it is unique to rugby players or even sportspeople btw. However being able to write about it is a different matter. At about the same time that you started to write, so did I. I was empathetic to how difficult it can be to put yourself out there and question whether anyone wanted to read what you had to say. It is hard to write well. I have noticed that you are getting better at it. The interesting thing is that my writing has stalled because I too have been struggling so I do not feel that I can tap into my creative brain. Your graph about your blog output when you were feeling depressed was really telling for me. Ditto!! So now, not only is your blog creating some interesting content, it is helping me. So there...that is why! I don't read your blog every time but I do read it more often than not...so keep it up! You never know about the little differences that you can make to others. Thank you!
Thanks Dianna and you hit the nail on the head re no more rugby and the adrenalin and dopamine it brings the brain. My psychologist (who's an ex athlete) describes it like coming off a cocaine addiction. A blood tough period to go thru, but one any player can get navigate successfully.
Writing is bloody hard and I'm only getting better at it because I kept doing it! And just realised this was my 50th post! Let me know if you want any help.
Thanks again for your kind message Dianna and I'm looking forward to reading Ambition to Fulfilment!
Initially because it's you, but I keep reading because your insights can often illuminate areas I hadn't considered or add layers of understanding to areas I find interesting. I also like keeping up to date with your journey with Alfred, Writing, post-career etc.
I started reading your blog after seeing your AMA on Reddit and really liked your positive message and it has been a nice bright spot in my inbox when I get a notification that you released another one! One of your earlier posts about your mentality regarding weight loss was a big breakthrough for me and I credit it with me losing 50 pounds last year before playing my first XVs season.
For me it was the different outlook in regard to keeping up with calories and not tracking every single day. The previous times I’ve attempted to lose the weight I would quickly get burnt out in about a week or two from having to input everything I was eating. After reading your blog on not chaining myself to counting calories I would track maybe once a week or so and see where my new normal eat habits were keeping me in line with my goals.
Nice! Yeah perfectionism is crippling, and finding the balance between tracking calories and not beating myself up when I didn't was tough. But it's possible, and we've tried to bring that philosophy into Alfred. Just on that, do you mind if I interview you via email for our Alfred community newsletter? No stress if not.
One word… vulnerability. Vulnerability enables connection and I think your blogs do that. As Ben Brearley said it’s not all about the life highlight reel, it’s about the daily grind and the roller coaster we all ride. Plus, you’re just a good bloke with great banter and I enjoy our conversations. ;-)
Thanks Doc! And I think a lack of meaningful connections is the root cause of the mental health crisis, and this blog is my way to help fight that. I'm really lucky to have you as a mate and I'm looking forward to the next edition of Cheaper than Therapy!
After spending a lot of my career "being strong" I realise now that strength comes from vulnerability and am still working through what this looks like. Reading that others are travelling the same path is encouraging.
Plus, I love talking about rugby, even tangentially.
I reckon being vulnerable is just expressing how you feel, especially when things aren't going great. And being vulnerable around people I trusted helped them to realise that I was in a really bad place, open to receiving help, and the start of my recovery.
I love talking about Rugby too... though I'm bit worried England might bounce back and get us tomorrow night!
Yes, that's possible. English husband inadvertently accepted a dinner/concert invitation for Saturday so at least if they beat us I don't have to hear him gloat in real time.
Your articles are perfectly timed to land in my inbox when I'm having my morning coffee in WA, so that helps 😀
But seriously, I read because it's the opposite of influencer "look how awesome my life is" content that is everywhere these days.
Not that I *don't* want your life to be awesome, but I think your articles provide a great service to people who may be struggling.
Lastly, I have zero exposure to professional athletes so it's interesting to see what it's like to transition from a sporting career to everyday life.
Cheers,
Ben
P.S. I'm changing my vote to wallabies 3-0
I think all the "my life is awesome" content is preventing people from having meaningful connections, and the lack of those is playing a big part in the mental health crisis. Many people post on social media pretending their happy to distract themselves from their reality, and you certainly won't be getting any pictures of business class airfare tickets or the Almalfi coast in here!
Thanks again for all your support on my journey mate, and sorry to be ruining your morning coffee!!
You are enhancing my coffee experience... keep it up!
Reasons I read:
1. You're a legend, such a genuinely good guy.
2. I love that even though you appear super accomplished and you've done so much, there's so much more to the story. I feel that transitioning careers for someone like yourself is not something people ever really think or talk about and it's a journey that many people can benefit from, whether it's going from pro athlete to 'civilian' or someone considering a change of careers (something that is such a hot topic at the moment)
3. Life is full of struggle, it effects everyone. People often forget this and feel that they're alone win their struggles. It's often hard to open up about this, even though there's constant messaging about it being OK to talk about. The truth is that if someone asks "Are you actually OK?" a lot of people don't know how to respond and if the question receives a genuine response, a lot of people aren't equipped to fully support the person. I feel that by you writing your struggles down and getting them out into the world tells people that there's a way to tell people about how you're feeling and there's a supportive audience to help. A way for you to connect with people you might not normally encounter and a way for others to see that there's always a way to talk about things.
Love the blog and look forward to when it pops up in the inbox.
How to transition careers is certainly not talked about enough, as the generation before our's just picked one career and stuck with it for life. Career switching is a new phenomenon and one you've done well, which is why I reckon people would be interested to know how you did it via your blog.
I've only recently learned how many people have a struggle going on in the background via the R4R rag. Been blown away by the runners openness by sharing everything from eating disorders, suicide attempts, divorces, death of family members and more. And it's making me realise that true connection is based on sharing a common struggling... and that's that we're all struggling in one or another! And that's ok.
Thanks for the feedback and support mate. I really really appreciate it and catch up for a run soon. Need to drag Buke along before he heads o/s!
Why I read
1. I'm your mate and have a genuine interest in your life beyond rugby, the pub and Alfred
2. Being your mate, I get to see your persona as a mate, but never get the opportunity to see what happens behind the curtains
3. What makes your story quite compelling is the stark contradt between my perception of your reality and the truth about your struggles in life - so if a guy who I consider to be hugely successful shares the same struggles as I do, then that makes me feel a bit better about myself.
Well welcome behind the curtains Riccardo!
I think regardless of success, people always struggle at times (death of family members, illness etc) and I hope that by sharing mine, people can feel ok about theirs and know they'll be better for it once they get thru.
PS: Great week in the slack group!
I first spoke to you on Twitter about a new government app and we kind of disagreed, but unlike most interactions online were both respectful. I knew you from the wallabies of course, and you were a role model for me I guess. Now I read your blog because firstly you seem like a top bloke. Secondly, you are brutally honest about the stuff you have been through and how you have dealt with it. More honest than I would be I suspect, and I respect that. I come from an IT / Design background and have never played rugby, so am coming at your blog from a different place to a lot of people, but ultimately a lot of what you talk about rings true with me and what I have experienced.
The honesty is rare. Keep it up Ben.
Hahaha what government app was it?! Glad we were both respectful and I appreciate your kind words. What do IT/Design work do you do?
I was arguing that the covidsafe app under Stuart Robert was absolutely bound to be useless. You were questioning why i thought that. Who was right? Who knows :P
I spent the first half of my life working for a large American tech company (you would know them well). I worked as a Systems Engineer. In my late 20's I realised I was in love with design, particularly multimedia / digital / UX, so I went back to uni (at 27 as a mature age student) and studied Design (Multimedia Systems).
It was hard to work part-time while studying full-time at that age. After graduating, I continued to work at the tech company because although I didn't love it, I didn't hate it. I stayed 3 years longer than I should have, but eventually left and started working freelance for myself. Again, it was really hard, i taught myself everything from how to use Sketch to how send invoices and chase money (ugh). When I look back at that time, I realise I had no idea what I was doing and the quality of work wasn't great, but it was a process I guess. I did that for about 2 years and burned through some cash just living.
I then started working for a global agency as a digital designer - IA / UI/UX / web / etc. After working there for a year, I felt like I was getting somewhere in my (new) career, but was still full of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. I then decided to go and live in Japan for a few years. Something I had always wanted to do, but while I was there I wasn't working as a designer, so the longer I spent there, the more out of touch I felt.
After three years, I moved back to Melbourne and the agency I worked for hired me back. I have now been here almost 4 years and am a senior designer. I'm doing less digital stuff these days but I really miss it. Next move will be back to digital product design. That is probably more than you wanted to know, but I had a career change too. I can definately relate to some of the darker times.
Hahahaha I think we know who was right and it wasn't me! Hahahaha. What made you realise that you love design and what tech company did you work for? No need to answer if you don't feel comfortable.
Hahaha!
I really had no idea what design was until my mid-20's when I was at a concert and the group had giant video screens and very cool installation art. I discovered it was done by a design agency in London, and from there started to explore the world of design. Having a tech background (company was HP), it was a natural fit for me to get into multimedia / digital design.
I'm not even sure I would have the courage to change careers again, but I was lucky in that I had a choice. I guess with professional sports people, the clock is ticking. Pretty scary.
Yeah, I didn't have the courage and like you said, the clock was ticking. But what helped me make the decision was that I knew what I wanted to do. I've just struggled to make it happen.
You're smashing it with Alfred now though. Worth looking back on how far you've come sometimes I reckon. :)
Good question! I had to have a really good think about why I started to read your blog and then why I continued. The simple answer is that I followed you through your rugby career. I have known a couple of the brumbies quite well. I always wondered and even felt concerned about what happens when there is no more rugby, no training, no mates, no adrenalin, no dopamine and no purpose. I felt that you were honest, vulnerable and true to what this meant for you. I do not think that it is unique to rugby players or even sportspeople btw. However being able to write about it is a different matter. At about the same time that you started to write, so did I. I was empathetic to how difficult it can be to put yourself out there and question whether anyone wanted to read what you had to say. It is hard to write well. I have noticed that you are getting better at it. The interesting thing is that my writing has stalled because I too have been struggling so I do not feel that I can tap into my creative brain. Your graph about your blog output when you were feeling depressed was really telling for me. Ditto!! So now, not only is your blog creating some interesting content, it is helping me. So there...that is why! I don't read your blog every time but I do read it more often than not...so keep it up! You never know about the little differences that you can make to others. Thank you!
Thanks Dianna and you hit the nail on the head re no more rugby and the adrenalin and dopamine it brings the brain. My psychologist (who's an ex athlete) describes it like coming off a cocaine addiction. A blood tough period to go thru, but one any player can get navigate successfully.
Writing is bloody hard and I'm only getting better at it because I kept doing it! And just realised this was my 50th post! Let me know if you want any help.
Thanks again for your kind message Dianna and I'm looking forward to reading Ambition to Fulfilment!
Initially because it's you, but I keep reading because your insights can often illuminate areas I hadn't considered or add layers of understanding to areas I find interesting. I also like keeping up to date with your journey with Alfred, Writing, post-career etc.
Cheers mate. Good turnout this morning? Something very very special is brewing at R4R....
On point topics Ben.
Cheers Miles. Which one do you find most interesting?
Transition from sport, from a job, in life.
People are searching for their tribe.
R4R or Parkrun is the tribe.
Like minded people sharing common goals and experiences.
Teamwork makes the dreamwork Ben.
If you want to go fast... go alone. If you want to go far... go together!
So true
Hi Ben,
Your rugby union career for club, state and country is outstanding.
I started reading your blog, whether you accept it or not - You are a role model to many, including me.
Cheers.
Thanks Binhy! I really appreciate that mate and where have you been!?!? Haven't seen you at R4R in ages!
Busted my good friend. My return mid August.
See you then!
I started reading your blog after seeing your AMA on Reddit and really liked your positive message and it has been a nice bright spot in my inbox when I get a notification that you released another one! One of your earlier posts about your mentality regarding weight loss was a big breakthrough for me and I credit it with me losing 50 pounds last year before playing my first XVs season.
Thanks mate and I really enjoyed chatting Rugby that night, so was easy to be positive! Rugby fans hard to come by these days.
Awesome stuff mate re the 50 pounds! What was it about my blog that helped you lose the weight?
For me it was the different outlook in regard to keeping up with calories and not tracking every single day. The previous times I’ve attempted to lose the weight I would quickly get burnt out in about a week or two from having to input everything I was eating. After reading your blog on not chaining myself to counting calories I would track maybe once a week or so and see where my new normal eat habits were keeping me in line with my goals.
Nice! Yeah perfectionism is crippling, and finding the balance between tracking calories and not beating myself up when I didn't was tough. But it's possible, and we've tried to bring that philosophy into Alfred. Just on that, do you mind if I interview you via email for our Alfred community newsletter? No stress if not.
Yeah that shouldn’t be a problem!
Awesome mate! What's your email?
Njevart@gmail.com
One word… vulnerability. Vulnerability enables connection and I think your blogs do that. As Ben Brearley said it’s not all about the life highlight reel, it’s about the daily grind and the roller coaster we all ride. Plus, you’re just a good bloke with great banter and I enjoy our conversations. ;-)
Thanks Doc! And I think a lack of meaningful connections is the root cause of the mental health crisis, and this blog is my way to help fight that. I'm really lucky to have you as a mate and I'm looking forward to the next edition of Cheaper than Therapy!