What getting help taught me
Unhelpful ways of thinking and zooming out.
Sharing my struggles recently was tough, but I’m glad I did and thank you for all the messages of support.
Especially the private ones from those of you who’ve also had a rough patch, and for the first time in a long long time, I feel like my old self again and stronger for getting through it.
Despite hesitating, getting professional help played a huge part in my recovery, as Gayelene (psychologist) helped me identify unhelpful patterns of thinking that where sending my brain into overdrive and wasting my precious energy.
Energy I needed for navigating a career change during a pandemic with 3 kids and a closed business.
And after experiencing depression, my definition of it is:
When your life battery is empty and you loose hope it’ll ever recharge.
I’d be doing all the right things (exercising, eating well, getting sleep etc) but to still fall into a heap forced me to open up to getting help, as I was out of ideas about how to get better.
Not long into our 2nd session, Gaylene handed me a sheet titled “Unhelpful Thinking Habits” and asked me to have a read:
“How many of these do you have Ben?”
“Almost all of them”
“No wonder you’re depressed. You’re in a tough spot with retiring and the pandemic, and your mind is wasting so much energy thinking in ways that won’t help you get to where you want to go”.
Ruminating (or stewing) was another big one for me, and one many of us can relate when it comes to making a big decision in life. After missing our subscription targets, I was unsure what to do with Alfred, but Gayelene gave me simple steps to help get my mind unstuck and moving again.
And what also helped me to stop thinking in those unhelpful ways was the “zooming out” and looking at the big picture to realise that all these ways of thinking where just wasting my energy, and that if I work hard to correct them, I’ll have more energy for family and to achieve what I’ve set out do in life after footy.
Now when I catch myself thinking in an unhelpful way, my brain just says “this thought is a waste of energy” and the thought goes away, and I really hope there’s some science behind how “reframing” and “how you chose look at your situation” can help break the mind out of negative cycles of thinking.
Another strategy Gaylene suggested was to have a phrase to tell myself, if I ever caught my mind heading into a downward spiral.
Something to snap me out of it and get me focused on the path ahead.
Luckily, I had one right under my nose and borrowed it from good mate and Running for Resilience founder Matt Breen… JUST. KEEP. MOVING.
Amen to that.
There’s a lot more I want to share about my recent struggles, but I want to keep my blog’s short.
So over next few weeks, I’ll share the 2 main lessons I took away from getting help:
Setting boundaries and caring less.
PS: We now have a Senator named David Pocock. How good.
Recent Blogs:
Ben Wars: The Return of the Energy
Hey Ben, thanks for sharing all this. I can relate to all of it. My awareness of myself is so much better these days. The past 9 months have been the best I’ve been for 10-15 years. You might enjoy a book called The Happiness Trap. I found it very useful
Beautifully written and wise words BA. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability.