The best shot I can take
and treating myself like a friend
Things had been going great lately until I woke up on Saturday feeling terrible.
I’ve been sleeping well and just wrapped up an intense bit of work. And when I went to bed early on Friday night, I thought I had a fun weekend ahead.
Instead, I woke up feeling my lowest in 6 months and wasn’t sure why.
But after a weekend of exercising with friends, chatting with Jen, and some journaling, I realised I feel shit because I’ve been avoiding three things.
Difficult things that will require lots of energy to solve.
And while I won't get into the specifics today, avoiding and letting them fester in the background for so long has taken a toll.
Plus I feel like a knob writing about how I’m so tough having difficult conversations with others last week, when I should just be focused on having difficult conversations with myself.
Conversations that lead to more self-respect, but are bloody hard to do well because they usually end with me beating myself up.
Which makes me avoid them altogether. Not good.
Monday R4R
For those of you who don’t know, Running for Resilience (R4R) is a tri-weekly run from the Dock, and was started to save one life from suicide.
And while I never miss the Wednesday night or Friday morning runs, I rarely attend the Monday one because I’m in the zone and want to get to work.
But this Monday, I ran with Breeny (R4R founder) after I texted him over the weekend saying “I’m not feeling very resilient”.
“Let me know if there’s any thing I can do to help mate”
“Just come for a trot Monday”
“Righto. See you there”
Breeny’s a rare sighting on a Monday too, as he’s just had twins which makes it tough.
But he still made the effort to come trot, and as we ran, I shared the challenges I’m facing.
Breeny is one of the best listeners I know, and after I finished talking he said:
“You know in golf when you’ve hit the ball into the trees, and you want to take a miracle shot and get close to the hole? But there’s a high chance you could hit another tree and just make things worse. Sounds like you just need to get the ball back on the fairway, which means you probably should take an easy shot to a spot where you can see the hole and reassess.”
And that realisation hit me like a ton of bricks.
For ages I’ve known where I want to go. But since retiring, I’ve taken some risky shots going for a hole-in-one, and I’ve ended up in the trees.
Now I don't have a clear view of the pin (hole), which makes me feel lost. Then because I can’t see it because I have some problems in the way, I’ve started procrastinating and stopped swinging.
Instead, I just need to accept where I am, have a good look around, and take the best possibly shot… today.
This is probably a safer shot away from the hole, but will put me in the best position to take a more calculated swing in the future.
One step back to make many steps forward, which is a realisation I would never have had without the ear of a good friend.
I hope this analogy makes sense (especially to you non-golfers), and another great piece of advice Breeny gave me was to imagine I’m trying to help a friend.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
“We’re better at solving other people’s problems than our own because detachment creates objectivity. And objectivity leads to less emotional decisions. And as you said, emotional decision-making is what got you into this mess in the first place.”
Wise words and from now on, whenever I’m trying to help or have a conversation with myself, I’m going to imagine I’m helping a friend.
I was also gonna write about how Breeny sent me a paragraph from Richie McCaw’s book over the weekend about looking at the foundations when things aren’t going great.
But that’s enough smoke up his arse for one week. Lol.
Thanks for reading.
I’ll write about each problem I’m facing in the coming months. And since writing this, I’ve already made good progress towards getting back on the fairway.
No more standing still and not swinging.
Read of the week
As a long-time catastrophizer, I found this an insightful read into why my brain did that.
Your Brain Has Tricked You Into Thinking Everything is Worse
Having been in the trees plenty of times, I totally identify with the safe shot back to the fairway. It doesn't have to be totally anodyne, though.
Looking at that image, I'd pull out the 6 iron and the hockey grip - don't try this at home, folks - and go for low, flat and controlled. It's not pretty but it's safe and keeps me going towards the pin.
So maybe there's a strong skill you have in an adjacent field which you can harness to maintain the forward momentum while taking down the risk factor a bit?
Guru Breen. I've never thought about how great a listener he is, but he really is. I've always admired how considered his responses are. You can always tell that he listens to you entirely and considers his response deeply. That's how you know that he genuinely cares and wants to help. MORE SMOKE!