Sorry Nana and Grandma

Why I'm no longer following advice from my childhood

On Mother’s Day, I spent some time reflecting on what my grandmothers taught me, and the impact those lessons have had on my life.

My Nana (Mum’s Mum who I still see weekly), hates seeing food go to waste and always encourages me to eat up and says: “Finish your plate. Think of the starving kids in Africa!”

While my late Grandma's (Dad’s Mum) main piece of advice was “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”.

Both are good advice and probably very applicable to the era they grew up in, but I think those mantras don’t serve me well anymore.

Why?

1. Worrying about starving kids in Africa has become an excuse I tell myself so I can eat more.

2. I avoid speaking my version of the truth sometimes because I worry it may not be deemed as “nice”.

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An excuse to pig out

If I’m not careful, I eat way too much and can hardly remember a time in the last 30 years where I have not finished my plate.

And while this keeps Nana’s food-wasting anxiety at bay (she grew up in tough times and never had much), I often use what she told me as an excuse to make a pig of myself.

“Don’t let that half tub of ice cream go uneaten Ben. What about those starving kids in Africa who would kill for some Ben and Jerry’s, you ungrateful sod?”

Starvation and malnutrition are still problems, but the number of people struggling with them globally is massively on the decline. In fact, I bet there are way more people who are dying from the opposite, as eating too much is now one of our biggest killers.

Anyways, eating more than I need some evenings is still one habit I’m keen to shake, and I think reflecting in this way may help.

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The people I respect most are the ones I can speak most honestly with

So that’s Nana’s advice out of the way, but what about Grandma’s? What’s wrong with only saying nice things?

Well, it often means you can’t speak your mind, and I believe we’re becoming a nation of “tip-toers” who dance around having to have difficult conversations. Which is not good.

Difficult conversations challenge us to confront and address complex issues, which then encourages personal growth and a mutual understanding about the whatever is discussed.

All of which are critical for building stronger and more resilient communities, so long as it’s done in a respectful way.

There's probably more reasons why we avoid telling the truth, but I’ve come to learn that the people I respect most, are the ones I can speak most freely around.

People like my wife and

Running for Resilience

founder Matt Breen, who's friendship means a hell of a lot to me, and has grown greatly in the past year following a few hard conversations.

Breeny has never taken offence to a single thing I’ve said to him, and I know I can speak my version of the truth around him without worrying about him getting upset or holding what I say against me.

I use to be a person who was easily offended (some friends might say I still am) but being ok hearing other people’s version of the truth (without an emotional response kicking in) is one of the best skills I think someone can have in life.

That and perhaps being able to deliver the truth in a kind way? But perhaps that’s too subtle a skill for an elephant like me!

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Thanks for reading.

I know Nana is often a reader, so just in case you’re reading Nana… thank you for everything you’ve done for me and I love you so much!

But I’m not going to finish my plate every time for now on! lol