This week I shared how prioritising sleep and exercising with mates are my weapons of choice in the battle against being tired.
And at Alfred team meetings, we’ve started sharing “one thing we did over the past week to recharge”, and it’s been a great reminder to make sure that we charge our batteries first, before trying to help others charge theirs.
So on that note, I’d love to know:
How do you know when your battery is getting flat? And what do you do to recharge it?
I'm much the same as you Ben, making sure I'm getting enough sleep and exercising. This winter I've tried to cut down on extra weekend activities to avoid fatigue and getting sick. Opting to stay home and curl up with a book instead of going out, it means being a bit less social but I feel as important as it is to be connected with other people, it's just as important to have time to yourself too.
Nice Clare! I've found it hard at times to not go out and be social, but the cost of getting rundown is too high now that I'm older. How do you decided whether to go out or curl up with a book?
That's a great question Ben. It has been easier this winter because it's been so cold, it's hard not to feel guilty when you say no to a social invite, but I tell myself that by saying no to X is saying yes to myself. I work with people all day, listening, talking with a bit of massaging thrown in and sometimes I find I need to just not talk to anyone. I still remember a time where my sister was talking to me while I was scrolling instagram on my phone at the end of a work day (for me it's often 7.30pm) and my sister said "you're not even listening to me!". I replied, "I just want to sit here and scroll my instagram". I didn't have the capacity to talk or listen and it can be hard to explain that to people in a way that they will understand.
What is working for me at the moment, is committing to one social engagement for the weekend (or one each day) in advance, if I feel I want to add more then I add more (I'd much rather plan less than plan too much and cancel on people) and if I'm content, then I'll chuck on a podcast do the house work or sit under my blanket and read a book. I'm not a huge TV watcher (mostly tune in for sport), even when I was sick with COVID, I watched a doco on ABC Iview, did some uni and read 3 books. I read a lot of non fiction but I also think there's nothing better than spending the day reading a fiction book and getting lost in someone else's world, something that TV does for a lot of people but I find reading the story much more powerful. I've only recently got into podcasts, I didn't think I'd have the attention span for them, but it's amazing how easy it is to clean while listening to wholesome stories, 2 podcasts later all the cleaning is done.
I look at short term and long term "recharges". Short term it's mainly daily exercise, even if it's a half arsed workout, to get some endorphins and blood flowing. Definintely better mental state after a bit of exercise. I also just like some quiet time everyday where I can read a book, look at stupid videos on YouTube, or do some hobbying (painting plastic scale models!). Longer term recharges I need a proper adventure break each year. A hiking holiday or long cycle weekend or something similar. Really push the boat out physically and get away from it all. All that combined seems to keep me feeling pretty good across a year and ready to face whatever life brings.
Love my quiet time too and there's nothing I can do today that will recharge my batteries more than a bit of exercise with mates. And on that note... I'm off to parkrun!
For me, it’s when I struggle to get up. I’m really good at getting up early these days. Usually my motivation or fear of internal ridicule is enough to get me up and going through that urge to stay in bed an extra hour. Sometime though, I just kinda know.
As Breeny said too, getting irrationally upset at insignificant shit.
I’m slowly learning that having an occasional rest day, sleeping the extra hour once a week, is not the end of the world. One workout doesn’t make you fit, one meal doesn’t make you fat kinda thing.
But if a buzz word at the moment but finding a balance between committed and being stupid. Just subtle reminders to yourself that it’s all good. Stop being narrow sited. Big picture/long game is more important.
I'm the same mate as I never had an issue bouncing out of bed in the morning while I was playing rugby, and I'm slowly learning that having a rest and switching off is so important to being able to switch on and do great work.
And balance has always been a tricky thing for me to find too, and I'm trying to find balance with trying to find balance (lol) and just go with flow after realising that finding it is a long term prospect and I won't find it over night.
Yeah I like that. The idea of switching off/recharging makes the time you spend doing work more efficient. It’s a difficult concept to grasp though. How can u be doing more by doing less? It’s true though. Even Goggins is big on actively resting, he says if you’re going to rest, ducking rest. Do nothing else. It’s a learned thing though and hard to wrap your head around in this world of “grinding” and “out working” everyone else.
I’m finding you have to be flexible with balance too. No one week is the same as another. So what was a good balanced week this week can’t necessarily be replicated the next week to achieve the same result. I really need to work on looking in, listening to my body and not giving myself a hard time over it.
Of course! In a twisted way, I find away to use a self loathing attitude as motivation. But it’s a slippery slope. Gotta fine that... wait for it... balance! But you’re spot on. Wasting energy getting down on yourself is counter-productive.
I reckon I'm a little bit like a hybrid car lol I get a bit of energy from my schedule (driving). Whether it be working on engaging tasks, hanging with mates, having a chat with a complete stranger, or just your general daily activities (exercise, chores, etc.).
Then other times I just need to do nothing (fill up at the servo). Read a book, watch a movie.
How do I know my battery is getting flat? I reckon it's when I feel overwhelmed by smaller things... even the health of my lawn and things of that nature. When I'm rolling on a high, I can comprehend complex issues and tasks, but when I'm low on energy, the small things seem big.
"when I feel overwhelmed by smaller things" - now that you mention it skip, that's a warning sign for me too that I never realised. When I'm easily annoyed by little things is a sign I need to re-evaluate what I'm doing and reset.
When my schedule is full of things I want to do, then I get heaps of energy from mine too. But a big part of why I got tired the other week was that I allowed too many things to hop on my plate that other people wanted me to do.
ACT Veterans rugby. Running around with mates, with a team focus, and the banter that goes with it. After training or a game, sharing a beer and talking, some of the guys have had my back when I've struggled and I try to have theirs.
The main one is being present with my kids. Hugs, conversations, watching them. That's how I fill my bucket
Awesome Brian and community based sports clubs like the Vets Rugby club are so important to the overall health of our city.
Any tips on how to be more present with kids? It's something I'm getting better at, but it's still a constant battle for me to stop thinking about work when I'm around them
My only tip with kids that I remind myself is that they are only kids. I try to remember how it felt when my parents gave me attention, affection and time, and I try to give that to my 3 terrorists. Simple stuff, play basketball in the driveway with my 13yo son. Watch the 11yo daughter doing gymnastics in the lounge room, and listen to my 6yo daughter tell me her stories. While doing those things they often start to talk to me about other stuff. Also, and this is important for men with female partners, wives etc, don't always try to fix a problem. Sometimes kids and wives just want to talk about it. I still fail at that but I keep trying.
The warning signs are generally that I lose motivation to do things that are important to me. It's like a creeping apathy that starts to set in, and my mood gets real flat.
I'm definitely an introvert, so recharging involves spending a bit of time alone in my apartment (which I refer to as the "fortress of solitude"). Usually reading or video games are a good go to. Something that can take my mind off somewhere else for a bit and where there's no pressure to be "doing".
Hey Ben, really appreciate you replying to this. I'd say it's definitely fueled by a slump in my mood followed by thoughts around "what's the point?". If the batteries are low, there's a definite loss in meaning. It feels like a catastrophising mindset kicks in.
I know it's not true, but then it becomes a battle between the rational mind going "everything's ok" versus the emotional mind, which almost feels child like, saying ,"you should be doing better, this isn't good enough".
I honestly think there's a lot of background noise that I need to work through. And I'm ok with that. The important part is recognising I'm human and working through it. Employing some self conpaasiona and not taking it too much to heart
You're welcome David. I notice too a huge difference in my thinking depending how charged my battery is. When it's full, i'm optimistic, a better problem solver and feel I can achieve anything I set my mind too. All that certainly isn't the case when it's flat, when even the smallest things can seem insurmountable.
Dealing with background noise/baggage is a great idea, and travelling lighter will free your energy up for what matters most to you.
Hi. I'm feeling really burnt out. The last 2 years have been really hard. Lately I've taken to getting up half an hour earlier, before the kids and just taking time to sit and read a novel. Just having a bit of quiet time to start the day has helped. I know I have a long way to go, but it's a start.
I'm sorry to hear that David, and your certainly not the only one who's found the last few bloody draining.
I also love my alone time first thing in the morning, and use it write uninterrupted before the kids get up. That or a morning jog always sets me up for a good day.
We all have a long way to go, but let me know if you need a hand with figuring out the next step.
Thanks Ben. Talking to colleagues, I know I'm not alone. I realise how important it is to prioritise self-care. Unfortunately realising it and actually doing it are not always the same thing. The chaos and stresses of life always seem to find a way to take over.
I would say my battery is getting flat when I'm noticing I'm not sleeping well, and when I'm worrying more than usual. I also notice it in my fitness - sometimes I'll be "gassed" really quickly when I'm usually fitter than that. (I'm 42 and I'm no superstar, but I can still really notice the difference if I'm run down).
To recharge I stay at home, reduce socialising, go to bed at the same time each night. I also make sure I'm exercising fairly vigorously 5 times per week.
I also get my sh*t together :) I will plan ahead, make sure I'm prepared for what's coming the next week so I'm not "winging it" - it stresses me out big time if I can't be at least moderately prepared for the week ahead.
I like your Alfred team meeting question - good one!
Cheers,
Ben
P.S. I just saw that Hoops is flying home from Argentina - hope he is OK - a good reminder to look after ourselves.
Awesome stuff mate. I'm the same, but interested to know what you reckon is the root cause that leads to you not sleeping well and worrying more than usual?
Great to see overwhelming support for Hoops's decision. Surely he deserves to decide when he needs a break?
1) Lack of clear priorities - knowing what's important or most valuable, and what has less value
2) Limited understanding of your own capacity - knowing your limits before getting frazzled
3) Hesitance to push back - feeling compelled to say "Yes" instead of "No" or "Not now, could we do it later?"
Financial pressure can compel us to ignore our limits also - taking on any job because we need the money, rather than being more selective (mainly in the case of business owners or freelancers).
I'm much the same as you Ben, making sure I'm getting enough sleep and exercising. This winter I've tried to cut down on extra weekend activities to avoid fatigue and getting sick. Opting to stay home and curl up with a book instead of going out, it means being a bit less social but I feel as important as it is to be connected with other people, it's just as important to have time to yourself too.
Nice Clare! I've found it hard at times to not go out and be social, but the cost of getting rundown is too high now that I'm older. How do you decided whether to go out or curl up with a book?
That's a great question Ben. It has been easier this winter because it's been so cold, it's hard not to feel guilty when you say no to a social invite, but I tell myself that by saying no to X is saying yes to myself. I work with people all day, listening, talking with a bit of massaging thrown in and sometimes I find I need to just not talk to anyone. I still remember a time where my sister was talking to me while I was scrolling instagram on my phone at the end of a work day (for me it's often 7.30pm) and my sister said "you're not even listening to me!". I replied, "I just want to sit here and scroll my instagram". I didn't have the capacity to talk or listen and it can be hard to explain that to people in a way that they will understand.
What is working for me at the moment, is committing to one social engagement for the weekend (or one each day) in advance, if I feel I want to add more then I add more (I'd much rather plan less than plan too much and cancel on people) and if I'm content, then I'll chuck on a podcast do the house work or sit under my blanket and read a book. I'm not a huge TV watcher (mostly tune in for sport), even when I was sick with COVID, I watched a doco on ABC Iview, did some uni and read 3 books. I read a lot of non fiction but I also think there's nothing better than spending the day reading a fiction book and getting lost in someone else's world, something that TV does for a lot of people but I find reading the story much more powerful. I've only recently got into podcasts, I didn't think I'd have the attention span for them, but it's amazing how easy it is to clean while listening to wholesome stories, 2 podcasts later all the cleaning is done.
Hahaha when my brain is fried, there's nothing I want to do more the scroll social media and zone out!
I look at short term and long term "recharges". Short term it's mainly daily exercise, even if it's a half arsed workout, to get some endorphins and blood flowing. Definintely better mental state after a bit of exercise. I also just like some quiet time everyday where I can read a book, look at stupid videos on YouTube, or do some hobbying (painting plastic scale models!). Longer term recharges I need a proper adventure break each year. A hiking holiday or long cycle weekend or something similar. Really push the boat out physically and get away from it all. All that combined seems to keep me feeling pretty good across a year and ready to face whatever life brings.
Love my quiet time too and there's nothing I can do today that will recharge my batteries more than a bit of exercise with mates. And on that note... I'm off to parkrun!
For me, it’s when I struggle to get up. I’m really good at getting up early these days. Usually my motivation or fear of internal ridicule is enough to get me up and going through that urge to stay in bed an extra hour. Sometime though, I just kinda know.
As Breeny said too, getting irrationally upset at insignificant shit.
I’m slowly learning that having an occasional rest day, sleeping the extra hour once a week, is not the end of the world. One workout doesn’t make you fit, one meal doesn’t make you fat kinda thing.
But if a buzz word at the moment but finding a balance between committed and being stupid. Just subtle reminders to yourself that it’s all good. Stop being narrow sited. Big picture/long game is more important.
I'm the same mate as I never had an issue bouncing out of bed in the morning while I was playing rugby, and I'm slowly learning that having a rest and switching off is so important to being able to switch on and do great work.
And balance has always been a tricky thing for me to find too, and I'm trying to find balance with trying to find balance (lol) and just go with flow after realising that finding it is a long term prospect and I won't find it over night.
Yeah I like that. The idea of switching off/recharging makes the time you spend doing work more efficient. It’s a difficult concept to grasp though. How can u be doing more by doing less? It’s true though. Even Goggins is big on actively resting, he says if you’re going to rest, ducking rest. Do nothing else. It’s a learned thing though and hard to wrap your head around in this world of “grinding” and “out working” everyone else.
I’m finding you have to be flexible with balance too. No one week is the same as another. So what was a good balanced week this week can’t necessarily be replicated the next week to achieve the same result. I really need to work on looking in, listening to my body and not giving myself a hard time over it.
Giving myself a hard time only wears me out more
Of course! In a twisted way, I find away to use a self loathing attitude as motivation. But it’s a slippery slope. Gotta fine that... wait for it... balance! But you’re spot on. Wasting energy getting down on yourself is counter-productive.
I reckon I'm a little bit like a hybrid car lol I get a bit of energy from my schedule (driving). Whether it be working on engaging tasks, hanging with mates, having a chat with a complete stranger, or just your general daily activities (exercise, chores, etc.).
Then other times I just need to do nothing (fill up at the servo). Read a book, watch a movie.
How do I know my battery is getting flat? I reckon it's when I feel overwhelmed by smaller things... even the health of my lawn and things of that nature. When I'm rolling on a high, I can comprehend complex issues and tasks, but when I'm low on energy, the small things seem big.
"when I feel overwhelmed by smaller things" - now that you mention it skip, that's a warning sign for me too that I never realised. When I'm easily annoyed by little things is a sign I need to re-evaluate what I'm doing and reset.
When my schedule is full of things I want to do, then I get heaps of energy from mine too. But a big part of why I got tired the other week was that I allowed too many things to hop on my plate that other people wanted me to do.
ACT Veterans rugby. Running around with mates, with a team focus, and the banter that goes with it. After training or a game, sharing a beer and talking, some of the guys have had my back when I've struggled and I try to have theirs.
The main one is being present with my kids. Hugs, conversations, watching them. That's how I fill my bucket
Awesome Brian and community based sports clubs like the Vets Rugby club are so important to the overall health of our city.
Any tips on how to be more present with kids? It's something I'm getting better at, but it's still a constant battle for me to stop thinking about work when I'm around them
Agree re sport clubs in general.
My only tip with kids that I remind myself is that they are only kids. I try to remember how it felt when my parents gave me attention, affection and time, and I try to give that to my 3 terrorists. Simple stuff, play basketball in the driveway with my 13yo son. Watch the 11yo daughter doing gymnastics in the lounge room, and listen to my 6yo daughter tell me her stories. While doing those things they often start to talk to me about other stuff. Also, and this is important for men with female partners, wives etc, don't always try to fix a problem. Sometimes kids and wives just want to talk about it. I still fail at that but I keep trying.
I'll keep trying too.
The warning signs are generally that I lose motivation to do things that are important to me. It's like a creeping apathy that starts to set in, and my mood gets real flat.
I'm definitely an introvert, so recharging involves spending a bit of time alone in my apartment (which I refer to as the "fortress of solitude"). Usually reading or video games are a good go to. Something that can take my mind off somewhere else for a bit and where there's no pressure to be "doing".
Hi David! Nice to meet you mate. Do you know what the causes you to lose motivation?
Hey Ben, really appreciate you replying to this. I'd say it's definitely fueled by a slump in my mood followed by thoughts around "what's the point?". If the batteries are low, there's a definite loss in meaning. It feels like a catastrophising mindset kicks in.
I know it's not true, but then it becomes a battle between the rational mind going "everything's ok" versus the emotional mind, which almost feels child like, saying ,"you should be doing better, this isn't good enough".
I honestly think there's a lot of background noise that I need to work through. And I'm ok with that. The important part is recognising I'm human and working through it. Employing some self conpaasiona and not taking it too much to heart
You're welcome David. I notice too a huge difference in my thinking depending how charged my battery is. When it's full, i'm optimistic, a better problem solver and feel I can achieve anything I set my mind too. All that certainly isn't the case when it's flat, when even the smallest things can seem insurmountable.
Dealing with background noise/baggage is a great idea, and travelling lighter will free your energy up for what matters most to you.
Hi. I'm feeling really burnt out. The last 2 years have been really hard. Lately I've taken to getting up half an hour earlier, before the kids and just taking time to sit and read a novel. Just having a bit of quiet time to start the day has helped. I know I have a long way to go, but it's a start.
I'm sorry to hear that David, and your certainly not the only one who's found the last few bloody draining.
I also love my alone time first thing in the morning, and use it write uninterrupted before the kids get up. That or a morning jog always sets me up for a good day.
We all have a long way to go, but let me know if you need a hand with figuring out the next step.
Thanks Ben. Talking to colleagues, I know I'm not alone. I realise how important it is to prioritise self-care. Unfortunately realising it and actually doing it are not always the same thing. The chaos and stresses of life always seem to find a way to take over.
Great to hear and realising it is the hardest part. The chaos and stresses can be managed.
Hey Ben,
I would say my battery is getting flat when I'm noticing I'm not sleeping well, and when I'm worrying more than usual. I also notice it in my fitness - sometimes I'll be "gassed" really quickly when I'm usually fitter than that. (I'm 42 and I'm no superstar, but I can still really notice the difference if I'm run down).
To recharge I stay at home, reduce socialising, go to bed at the same time each night. I also make sure I'm exercising fairly vigorously 5 times per week.
I also get my sh*t together :) I will plan ahead, make sure I'm prepared for what's coming the next week so I'm not "winging it" - it stresses me out big time if I can't be at least moderately prepared for the week ahead.
I like your Alfred team meeting question - good one!
Cheers,
Ben
P.S. I just saw that Hoops is flying home from Argentina - hope he is OK - a good reminder to look after ourselves.
Awesome stuff mate. I'm the same, but interested to know what you reckon is the root cause that leads to you not sleeping well and worrying more than usual?
Great to see overwhelming support for Hoops's decision. Surely he deserves to decide when he needs a break?
Hmm I'd say the root cause is usually taking on too much work / committing to too many things.
And yes, I'd say Hoops should decide when he needs a break, as opposed to the Couch Coaches!
And what do you think the root cause of taking on too much work is? Ps: I do it too lol. Hoping you have some answers!
Hmm I'd say there are a few options here:
1) Lack of clear priorities - knowing what's important or most valuable, and what has less value
2) Limited understanding of your own capacity - knowing your limits before getting frazzled
3) Hesitance to push back - feeling compelled to say "Yes" instead of "No" or "Not now, could we do it later?"
Financial pressure can compel us to ignore our limits also - taking on any job because we need the money, rather than being more selective (mainly in the case of business owners or freelancers).
2 rings loudest for me... but I'm starting to get a better understanding of where my limits are