The deeper I get into my sobriety, the more I'm starting to think of my brain as a thoughts processing unit. Almost like a machine. The thoughts are coming and there is nothing I can do to stop that. My role is to maintain the flow through the machine, ensure there are no kinks in the production line. You have to allocate each of the thoughts into a basket. A lot end up in the "irrelevant" basket. Sometimes a tricky one comes a long and you don't know where to send it, so you set it aside in the "too hard basket" to deal with later on. Eventually you get too many of these thoughts and your left with nothing but the thoughts form the too hard basket. That's where you have to create a new basket. A "ring one of your mates/see a psychologist/write a blog?whatever basket" you need to create to process those thoughts. Not processing them because they're too hard is the essence of bottling things up. That's my thoughts on bottling things anyway.
Spot on and you should turn that analogy into a blog! I've always likened my brain to a computer (stores information and needs to be shut down properly and not just turned off at the powerpoint or unplugged at the end of the day) and I think yours deals with the outputs of the brain better.
And I think happiness is found when your "too hard basket" is empty or being emptied. Fuck that basket can get heavy.
You gotta build an efficient basket emptying system. But it's your system. So only you can build it. You can take bits and pieces from other peoples but ultimately you have to construct it yourself. As you said, if you don't, it gets too heavy and the tight ass boss won't shell out for a fork lift.
Exercising then writing about what's in the basket is my system, but it's finally almost empty and I'll keep working hard to make sure it never fills up again. What's yours?
I'm still figuring it all out to be honest. Even when my substance abuse was at it's worst I was still exercising regularly. That's actually how I justified it to myself. I was doing my job to a higher than competent standard, running 100k weeks, no harm done! I'd hate to know where I would've wound up without it.
Writing and sobriety is helping a lot. Coupled with a motivation to capitalize on this new found mental clarity and actively try to sort my issues out.
I don't think you can ever fully empty the basket, because life happens, every day and we don't control our thoughts. So, I think we just need to keep servicing the machine, maintaining it, to keep it running efficiently. If we do get to a point where it's consistently and easily managed, that's when we have the spare mental energy to dive into the other baskets! The good/fun/joyous baskets! That's where we wanna be!
I like to think about a group of fellas moving dirt. There's a big difference between saying "this sucks" whilst continuing to move the dirt, and saying "this sucks" and kicking stones.
We can voice our struggles and move forward despite them, and in my mind, this helps us be 'tougher'.
I was also thinking since Sammy's post, the idea of talking is key from two angles. We need to make it okay to talk, but people who understand this need to talk to set the example, so that when we ask our mates if they're okay, they have an example to follow.
The dirt's gotta be moved. Up to you if ya wanna be miserable about it. Procrastinate and try to find a way out of it. Or you can grab a shovel, show the boys you're buying in and just move one shovel at a time. Start talking shit, laughing at how ridiculous the situation is, telling stories, jokes, whatever.
Often the people who understand are the ones who say the least, because they understand. They just make you comfortable enough to let it out, then ask you what you want to do about it, not tell you.
If the dirts gotta be moved, its gotta be moved. And just like exercising, doing it together and reflecting after over a brew or beer about a job/jog well done is about as good as it gets imo.
100%. I always say of R4R to people that it doesn't even feel like I'm running. At the end I don't feel like I have just labored for 30-35 minutes. It's because it's don in a group, or on Wednesdays these days, a fuckin' stampede.
My favorite EVER beers were always the ones after a day in my yard in Canberra. Something about it was special.
For whatever reason, since the beginning of mankind, society decided that women were born to have babies and men were born to be tough and have/show no emotions. Phrases like men don't cry or even men insulting other men by calling them women. (After watching my sister give birth to my niece, I honestly cannot think of anything more bad arse than growing and birthing a human) I feel sad that men feel that they can't express themselves. I think it's improving, but we have a long way to go. Suicide rates are higher in men than women. I think basic psychology needs to be included into the school curriculum , so that we all learn about emotions, the messages that they are telling us and how to allow ourselves to feel them without them controlling us. It would lead to us understanding ourselves better but also understanding others better and being more empathetic humans.
3 times higher unfortunately, but I one of my 6 year olds yesterday told me that she learned in the school that "our brain controls our emotions". Very glad their school is teaching them this as that knowledge will hold them in good stead and hopefully lead to them having an increases awareness and control of their thoughts.
Normalising my own struggle inside myself was/is a big one for me. Taking a step back almost and recognising the feelings I feel, as I'm feeling them, helps.
Will do Rhys. Taking a step back to look at the big picture always helps me to see the world and my struggle for it is. Too easy to get caught in the reeds and miss the good when in the midsts of the bad.
The deeper I get into my sobriety, the more I'm starting to think of my brain as a thoughts processing unit. Almost like a machine. The thoughts are coming and there is nothing I can do to stop that. My role is to maintain the flow through the machine, ensure there are no kinks in the production line. You have to allocate each of the thoughts into a basket. A lot end up in the "irrelevant" basket. Sometimes a tricky one comes a long and you don't know where to send it, so you set it aside in the "too hard basket" to deal with later on. Eventually you get too many of these thoughts and your left with nothing but the thoughts form the too hard basket. That's where you have to create a new basket. A "ring one of your mates/see a psychologist/write a blog?whatever basket" you need to create to process those thoughts. Not processing them because they're too hard is the essence of bottling things up. That's my thoughts on bottling things anyway.
Brilliant analogy.
This is a great way to put it!!
Thanks, man. We have to find our own ways of understanding these types of things, I reckon.
Doesn't matter if it sounds silly or others don't understand it. If it works for you, do it.
Spot on and you should turn that analogy into a blog! I've always likened my brain to a computer (stores information and needs to be shut down properly and not just turned off at the powerpoint or unplugged at the end of the day) and I think yours deals with the outputs of the brain better.
And I think happiness is found when your "too hard basket" is empty or being emptied. Fuck that basket can get heavy.
I may have been thinking that already!
You gotta build an efficient basket emptying system. But it's your system. So only you can build it. You can take bits and pieces from other peoples but ultimately you have to construct it yourself. As you said, if you don't, it gets too heavy and the tight ass boss won't shell out for a fork lift.
Exercising then writing about what's in the basket is my system, but it's finally almost empty and I'll keep working hard to make sure it never fills up again. What's yours?
I'm still figuring it all out to be honest. Even when my substance abuse was at it's worst I was still exercising regularly. That's actually how I justified it to myself. I was doing my job to a higher than competent standard, running 100k weeks, no harm done! I'd hate to know where I would've wound up without it.
Writing and sobriety is helping a lot. Coupled with a motivation to capitalize on this new found mental clarity and actively try to sort my issues out.
I don't think you can ever fully empty the basket, because life happens, every day and we don't control our thoughts. So, I think we just need to keep servicing the machine, maintaining it, to keep it running efficiently. If we do get to a point where it's consistently and easily managed, that's when we have the spare mental energy to dive into the other baskets! The good/fun/joyous baskets! That's where we wanna be!
100%.
I like to think about a group of fellas moving dirt. There's a big difference between saying "this sucks" whilst continuing to move the dirt, and saying "this sucks" and kicking stones.
We can voice our struggles and move forward despite them, and in my mind, this helps us be 'tougher'.
I was also thinking since Sammy's post, the idea of talking is key from two angles. We need to make it okay to talk, but people who understand this need to talk to set the example, so that when we ask our mates if they're okay, they have an example to follow.
The dirt's gotta be moved. Up to you if ya wanna be miserable about it. Procrastinate and try to find a way out of it. Or you can grab a shovel, show the boys you're buying in and just move one shovel at a time. Start talking shit, laughing at how ridiculous the situation is, telling stories, jokes, whatever.
Often the people who understand are the ones who say the least, because they understand. They just make you comfortable enough to let it out, then ask you what you want to do about it, not tell you.
If the dirts gotta be moved, its gotta be moved. And just like exercising, doing it together and reflecting after over a brew or beer about a job/jog well done is about as good as it gets imo.
100%. I always say of R4R to people that it doesn't even feel like I'm running. At the end I don't feel like I have just labored for 30-35 minutes. It's because it's don in a group, or on Wednesdays these days, a fuckin' stampede.
My favorite EVER beers were always the ones after a day in my yard in Canberra. Something about it was special.
"which is the driving belief behind why I’ve chosen to share my dark times in this blog."
Writing articles like this creates little ripples out in the world, even when you feel like maybe not many people are reading.
And every now and then, someone who needs to read it will find it and think about getting help.
Great article
Cheers Ben. It's support like yours that makes me feel ok to keep sharing, and which spurs me on to keep writing. Thank you.
For whatever reason, since the beginning of mankind, society decided that women were born to have babies and men were born to be tough and have/show no emotions. Phrases like men don't cry or even men insulting other men by calling them women. (After watching my sister give birth to my niece, I honestly cannot think of anything more bad arse than growing and birthing a human) I feel sad that men feel that they can't express themselves. I think it's improving, but we have a long way to go. Suicide rates are higher in men than women. I think basic psychology needs to be included into the school curriculum , so that we all learn about emotions, the messages that they are telling us and how to allow ourselves to feel them without them controlling us. It would lead to us understanding ourselves better but also understanding others better and being more empathetic humans.
3 times higher unfortunately, but I one of my 6 year olds yesterday told me that she learned in the school that "our brain controls our emotions". Very glad their school is teaching them this as that knowledge will hold them in good stead and hopefully lead to them having an increases awareness and control of their thoughts.
Normalising my own struggle inside myself was/is a big one for me. Taking a step back almost and recognising the feelings I feel, as I'm feeling them, helps.
Thanks Ben, keep writing
Will do Rhys. Taking a step back to look at the big picture always helps me to see the world and my struggle for it is. Too easy to get caught in the reeds and miss the good when in the midsts of the bad.