Career crossroad: Am I spreading myself too thin?
And how I no longer define myself by one thing
I swore after being sent off and losing to the Lions that I would never let my identity be defined by one thing.
That’s because for much of my career, I used to see myself only as "Ben the footballer", and all my self-esteem was tied to how well I played.
This made me mentally fragile, because if I didn't play well, I’d fall into a mental heap.
And that's because I'd become addicted to the praise that comes from playing well.
But the pain from the Lions loss taught me to never define myself solely by what I do for work, and that I can get self esteem from other areas of life.
Now I’m “Ben the Dad, the Husband, etc” which has made me more stable and not reliant on others for my self-worth.
So in retirement, I wanted to avoid having another fragile career (Injuries and form make sports careers very fragile) and do lots of different things to ensure my self-esteem and family’s future wasn't dependent on a single thing.
Now I'm working more at my pub the Dock, started working at Running for Resilience (more to share soon), and until recently, I was at KPMG three days a week.
It wasn't a conscious decision to diversify my work. But I figure if I spread myself across different areas, I’ll develop lots of skill and have a safety net if one job went tits up.
But as I'm looking to replace the KPMG work, I'm wondering if I'm spreading myself too thin? And should I instead just focus intensely on one thing?
I get bored very easily and enjoy the variety each week brings.
Plus I played many sports growing up until I ultimately focused on rugby because it was the sport I felt best suited to.
I loved basketball and played lots in high school. And it no doubt helped my rugby, particularly my ball handling, which were pretty good for a prop.
Perhaps the same might happen with work? Do lots of things, then eventually narrow down?
Anyways, not entirely sure where I was going with this and needed to empty my brain.
But have you ever found yourself in a situation where you had to decide whether to drop some things you enjoy to focus on just one?
Only my opinion, but yes, I think you have probably spread yourself too thin.
I never played sport at a high level like you did, but i was good enough at it that on occasion people would mention it or say something that made me realise that it was "my thing that i was good at". Ever since, i have been chasing similar validation/recognition/success and almost entirely failed in finding it.
As a result, i have been perpetually chasing the new high tide mark, the new "my thing that i am good at. Going down many dead ends and beating down myself because of it.
My wife assures me that being a good dad is my current special skill, and she is right. But it is very hard to simplify my ambition sometimes. For your situation, maybe Instead of thousands/millions of people looking up to you a little bit, maybe the goal should be to have a small group of the most important people look up to you a lot? Family, friends, staff etc. The public eye is off you much more now than it was, maybe accept the reduced pressure and find your diversity and challenges in smaller details?
It's bloody tricky, eh?
How do you figure out what you love to do without trying a variety of different things?
But how do you know you really like something until you've been able to spend a decent amount of time doing it?
How do you spend enough time doing something to be great at it without compromising trying other things your curious about?
This comment will help you in no way, haha. But at lest you know you are not alone in this way of thinking, I imagine it's pretty common. My advice, go with your gut and don't second guess anything.