A challenge to myself

Time to defeat perfectionism

I have a problem with perfectionism. I’m not sure when it started, but it riddled my rugby career and it's holding me back with Alfred. My definition of perfectionism is when “all you can see is what you did wrong”, and somewhere along the line, I developed that habit (will try and figure out when and why another week). This is causing me to be closed off, unauthentic, and not allowing me to truly connect with people in ways I feel is meaningful. I guess it’s because I’ve never had to while I was playing footy, but trying to help people (like me) who eat to deal with stress needs me to be me.

So to overcome this, I’ve challenged myself to start public speaking more via my Instagram story and writing more without editing. When I started this blog, I use to take days to think of an idea to write about, weeks to write it, and even longer to edit it. And I think that’s why I’m enjoying writing because I have all the time to keep editing I’m saying until I’m happy it’s perfect.

But today’s brain dump is that I’ve set myself 25 minutes to write and I have to press publish at the end of it.

So what to write about? Hmmmmmm. I need to get over my insecurities or at least the habits I developed when I was feeling down about myself because their preventing me from just speaking freely and letting what I’ve got inside come out.

I also think for too long I’ve focused too much on the goal of what I’m trying to achieve with Alfred, and not enough on the process. I’ve been doing really well looking after my health, which is keeping me going and giving me enough energy so I don't quit, but the biggest hurdle that has held me back has been my verbal communication.

I’m a big believer in the saying “clarity of thought, always precedes clarity of talk” which is why I started writing- to organise my thoughts so I can share them with those who are interested. But now I’m getting to the point where I feel organised in my head, and I’m just procrastinating and not dealing with the root cause of my public speaking fears… perfectionism. So I think I’ve only got a few minutes left, but a big part of overcoming this fear is to send this blog out unfiltered and hope it gives me the confidence to just write and not overthink things. Just do Ben. No more thinking.

Going forward there's gonna be a lot of random notes in this blog, so if that’s not what you signed up for, please unsubscribe. I know this blog is about mental health and how I share my struggles, but truth be told, my life is great and I’m a bit over writing about sad stuff. Yes, I’m glad I’ve written about them as I think sharing my battle with depression earlier this year could help others, but now I’m just writing for me. Writing to empty shit out of my head, spread my message that you can feel good about you eat and defeat stress eating. Thanks for reading.

PS: Thanks to Sam Wilson from Sobering Thoughts for the inspiration. Love how freely you write mate.