Why I'm struggling

And rewiring my brain to enjoy sitting still

Now that Ben’s Blog is called Struggling, it’s time to revisit how and why I’m struggling.

As kid, I loved playing Rugby, and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d be good enough to play for the Brumbies, let alone the Wallabies, and was never told “Oh Ben, your gonna be a Wallaby some day”.

I just kept playing each year because I loved it, and was shocked as anyone when I made my debuts.

My head still spins thinking about the career I had, as I got to see the world, make many life long friends, and do it all while being paid to look after my health.

But trying to find another career that ticks all those boxes is impossible, and to face 30 more years of having already hit my peak enjoyment in work is scary and depressing.

Scrum practice at the 2011 World Cup

The year before I retired, good friend and teammate Steve Moore hung up his boots and said:

“You need something to retire too”

I feel that I have that with Alfred, as I’ve found that helping people to stop beating themselves up for what they eat as rewarding as playing Rugby.

I use to beat myself up relentlessly about my choices of food, but now I don’t, and building a tool that makes that change easy for anyone, and turn it into a sustainable business while supporting a young family has taken a toll, and why I’m struggling.

I had no idea what I was doing when I first started building Alfred, and I’ve made so many mistakes a long the way, including selling our home just before covid to fund the 4th version, after I spent most of our savings on the first 3 attempts.

But financial mistakes aside, it’s been the much needed rewiring of my brain that’s proven to be the biggest challenge, as learning to sit still and enjoy being at a desk all day undistracted has been bloody tough.

My brain is so use to getting happy neurochemicals from exercising all day with mates, and it craves the excitement that comes from the build up to a big game.

And I’ve realised that it’s this need for excitement that’s lead to my poor decisions and mistakes, and trying to ween my brain off it is a daily challenge. Plus focusing on less stimulating tasks and not making choices just because something sounds exciting, is something I’ve only recently realised I’m struggling with too.

But I’m proud to say I’m getting better at both, and what’s helped me come to terms with the fact that I probably won’t have another career that’s as exciting, is to realise that I can have one that’s infinitely more meaningful.

And that sounds pretty good me.