I thought I was over the Lions loss in 2013.
But last weekend in Melbourne when I was surrounded by all the rugby hype and Lions fans, a bit of sadness crept back in.
So I spoke to ChatGPT and it suggested I write about it.
I felt worthless after we lost that series. Not just as a player, but as a person.
But over time I realised that was because I’d tied my whole identity to one thing: "Ben the footballer” and my self-worth rose and fell with how I played. And it plummeted after that loss.
Now looking back I’m actually grateful for the pain because it forced me to reinvent myself. Which turned out to be exactly what I needed.
Now I’m Ben the dad, husband, business owner, charity founder, even Ben the parkrunner.
And I’m still proud of my rugby career. Even if we weren’t good enough to beat the Lions because that’s ok. They were a bloody good team, even thought I thought we could beat them. It just wasn’t to be.
If I’m honest, I think what I’m really sad about is something I’ve started calling "trophy nostalgia” which is that feeling you get when you see others win something big, and you realise you never had that moment.
I didn’t win much while I was playing.
And even though I’m not into AFL or league, I always tune in for the final moments of the grand final just to watch the players’ faces when they realise they’ve won and wonder what it feels like.
But I then wonder whether anything else in life can ever come close?
So maybe what I really need to make peace with the fact that I might never experience that exact kind of high. And that’s ok.
Because that doesn’t mean I can’t feel pride and joy again.
And writing this has helped me realise that those peak moments are still out there… just not always in packed stadiums.
They’re in the new memories still to be made and I’m genuinely grateful that loss pushed me out of such a narrow identity centred around a sport.
My life is more broader and fuller than it’s ever been. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
I’ve often wondered if people are sick of me banging on about that series.
But maybe someone else needed to hear this too. So thanks ChatGPT for the nudge.
Last weekend
The post above was written earlier in the week and I thought about deleting it.
But looking back, I’m still buzzing from an epic weekend away!
My wife and I caught up with friends, hit the Lions Den fan zone (which was wild), and went to the game at the MCG (what a stadium!).
I also finally met my coach Ben in person after more than a year of online chats. I visited my great Aunty Jen (who’s donating Uncle Tom’s WWII prisoner-of-war diary to the War Memorial Archives!), caught up with some old teammates, and smashed out a parkrun!
Add in some great food and quiet time with Jen, and I got home with my energy through the roof and ready to rip into the week!
This week
The week started with a real honour of getting to present jerseys to the Australian homeless soccer team at the season launch of the Parliamentarians Sports Club.
Then on Thursday, we officially launched Running for Resilience at Parliament House. It went really well and could even become a regular event during sitting weeks.
Such an amazing opportunity for R4R to help our leaders start their days well.
And I finally got to launch Recess for Resilience at my daughter’s school.
The school helped keep it a secret from them. So walking into assembly and seeing the look on their faces… is something I’ll never forget! Epic memory made!
Anyways, a bit of a jumbled post this week.
But life is bloody full at the moment and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had this much energy.
Thanks for reading.
Just. Getting. Started. Benny!