When your feel crap, it’s sometimes hard to know why.
You know there's this thing that’s causing you stress (mortgage, work etc), but it usually only becomes a problem when you don’t have the energy to deal with it and you start feeling overwhelmed.
Or so I thought, and when I hit rock bottom in December last year, I was struggling to understand why.
I’d been doing my best to look after my health during the pandemic so I had the energy to get Alfred going and cope with the stress of the Dock being closed. But my battery was finally empty and I had no idea how to recharge it.
I’ve been a happy and energetic person my whole life and use to think I knew what causes depression and thought I could avoid it. But I was out of answers and I knew it was time to go speak to someone who might.
I was eating well, exercising, and trying to get as much sleep as I could, but what I didn’t realise was that I’d developed ways of thinking (perfectionism, catastrophising etc) that were draining my energy and led to some poor decisions.
I was so caught up inside my head thinking about everything that I had on my plate while being hell-bent on making my career transition a success, that I was becoming a shell of the person I used to be.
I recently read that we humans are at our happiest when we’re emotionally in sync with those around us (like at a concert or in the crowd at a footy game) and the un-dealt with issues I had were like walls inside my head, preventing me from connecting with others as I would always be thinking about the future, or stewing on the past.
Never present.
Anyways, I just woke up and thought I’d write this with today being R U OK Day.
Mental Health issues suck, but you can beat them if you get help.
Excuse me for being frank, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to beat them on your own, and I wish I’d gotten help sooner.
You may be able to carry on for a bit and keep your issues suppressed, but those thoughts will just get heavier, and make you less likely to get what you want out of life.
It may be 10 months or 10 years down the track, but they will eventually catch up with you, if they haven't already.
If you’re worried about what your employer or friends think, reach out privately to someone you trust to go for a walk.
And if you have no one, email me.
R U OK?
Booked back in with my psych yesterday, first time in 18 months. Should've done it sooner. But now I've done the work I have over the last 4+ months I want to use her help to get better at that work. Actually excited to see her and tell her everything I've done and see how she can help me moving forward!
Oh gosh Ben, I teared up reading your last line. If you have no one email me. 🙌. Bravo for being honest and opening up a safe space for conversation.
Sometimes its easier for us to open up to a stranger because we feel we will get less judgement from them than those closest to us.