“What are your values Ben?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you should write them down.”
“Ok.”
A few days later...
“Here you go.”
“These aren’t your true values. They’re just what you think people want to hear or what you think they should be. Go back and reflect—figure out what really matters to you.”
“Ok.”
And that’s why I’m writing this now. I’ve got some big decisions to make, and I was told that being clear on my values will help guide those decisions.
So after more reflection, here’s what I’ve come up with:
Family
To me, family is another word for love, and mine is my top priority. I want my daughters to continue having a great start in life, and know that I’m always there for them if they need me. I'm also the luckiest man alive to be married to my wife, and I want her to continue feeling the same way about being married to me. I also want to repay my parents for a great childhood, and for being there for me when I hit rock bottom, and for giving me the space to fail and learn. But in order to support all of them, I need to look after myself first.
Energy
I think Energy is about prioritising my health to best regulate myself, because I can’t take care of my family well if I’m always exhausted or depressed. I also get energy from meaningful work, and I want to help others improve their energy levels, as I’ve experienced periods of extremely low energy. I also want my daughters to live energetic, meaningful lives, and the more I do things that align with what gives me energy, the more fulfilling my life, and theirs will be. Energy to me also means having fun and being curious, and doesn't mean thinking in ways that drain me like ruminating or catastrophising.
Clarity
I’m pretty sure I can't do meaningful work or help others unless I communicate clearly. To do that, I need a calm and clear mind. I also need that because I value being able to cut through the noise around health and well-being as there's so much BS. Also, people are bombarded with so much information and mixed messages every day, that if I don't communicate in a clear and engaging way, my message of “prioritising health in a sustainable way” will get lost in the noise.
Be Systematic
I will never again run myself into the ground or neglect my family to achieve work goals. That’s why I need to be systematic and efficient with my time and energy to maximise my output, without burning out. I also want to show that prioritising my energy leads to a “successful” and fulfilling life, because I think many leaders aren’t taking care of their own well-being, which is contributing to burnout for themselves and their teams. So by being systematic, I can take on the huge task of challenging this mindset without sacrificing mine or my family’s health.
Be Reasonable
For me, being reasonable is about finding balance—which is something I've been seeking for a while—because I believe the best answers rarely lie at the extremes. I also want to help others by being generous with time and energy, but not at the expense of mine or my family’s health. So when people ask for help and don’t take action or listen, I need to set firm boundaries to protect my energy.
I’m not saying I exhibit all these, as I'm definitely not a system’s thinker who’s clear and reasonable.
But I certainly aspire to be and respect the people I know who have those traits.
Ben
Keep it simple big fella!Your message is good however it is cluttered.