How my self belief became a weakness
Unchecked self belief can become stubbornness
I’m resilient.
But that’s because I was fuelled by delusional levels of self-belief.
This has caused me to make many mistakes, with thinking I could get my start-up to its full potential alone at the top of the list.
I realised this recently when I was discussing my strengths with someone at work, and the conversation turned to how she sometimes overuses her strengths, which holds her back.
It was a great chat and helped me understand that while my self-belief is a strength, it had become plain stubbornness.
And I realising that is why I decided to shut Alfred down after 7 years.
I think I developed unhealthy levels of self-belief after surprising myself a few times.
I never thought I’d be good enough to play professional rugby.
But to play for the Wallabies and the most games ever for the Brumbies, I’ve realised I can do more than I think I can.
Then I surprised myself again when the Dock opened and did great, as I never thought I would own a business.
But all that success got to my head and thought I could do even more when I started Alfred.
I was so confident I would do well again that success wouldn’t have been a surprise, and instead of slowing down to find the right co-founder, I rushed off to start building with someone I knew wasn't committed, but thought I could still make it work.
Then when it was clear Alfred was in trouble, all I could hear in my head was:
And that belief is why I dragged Alfred on for 12 months longer than I should.
Perhaps it was also my insecurities and desire to prove myself in a new career.
Or maybe I was too scared to face my mistakes and cut losses.
Either way, that narrow mindset while great at times, made me put the blinkers on and realise that shutting Alfred down temporarily isn’t quitting.
Because it’s not.
It’s just changing course because my mission isn’t to get everyone to track calories or use my app.
It’s to help people feel great and fuel themselves so they can do things they think they can’t.
Hard things that take lots of energy.
Anyway, not sure if this blog makes sense because I found it really hard to write.
And while I started this blog saying my self-belief fuelled my resilience, I’ve realised I’m resilient because I have people in my life who care.
I’ll offer three alternate lenses that can complement what you’re saying:
1. Timeframe: just because your current situation doesn’t match your self belief, doesn’t mean your self belief isn’t warranted. In fact, as you point out, you’ve had success before and this is a moment in time. You might be proven right on the co-founder aspect but I wouldn’t write your self belief off as delusional because it isn’t all beer and skittle now.
2. Delusion is necessary but shouldn’t be absolute: I actually think that we owe it to ourselves to swing back and forth between delusion and critic. We wouldn’t take shots if we didn’t have an inflated view of our ability but we need that critic to help guide us over the long-term... but they can’t exist at the same time, and they need to take turns.... make hay while the sun shines and work on the tractor when it’s raining lol
3. Depending on who you are, delusion might be less than your potential. Plenty of people might write something off as delusional only for it to be within their reach given the right effort and circumstances. If we didn’t have delusion, we wouldn’t achieve as many things for the first time... as individuals and as a human race.
I think you’re right to look at things and reevaluate... but protect that delusional self belief at all costs!
Thanks for sharing Ben. Self reflection is important for self improvement.
I think you can hold your head high knowing your tried as best as you can.
I am also wondering if you jumped the gun with a cofounder who wasn't committed because you were in the process of wrapping up your Rugby career and you needed something to transition into?