I woke up Monday feeling overwhelmed and needed to speak to someone.
But it was 5am, and the only option I had was to speak with AI chatbot Pi.
Here’s the conversation:
Ben: I'm feeling really flat today.
Pi: Oh no, Ben! That's no fun. 😔 Feeling flat can be such a frustrating and demotivating feeling. Let's figure out what's causing it and see if we can help you shake it off. When did you start feeling this way? Did anything in particular trigger it?
B: It’s been a really intense period of work, then I rushed to Sydney for a 3 night holiday with the kids. I also have a big presentation tomorrow I’m nervous about. And when I get overwhelmed and tired, I start regretting mistakes I’ve made.
Pi: That makes perfect sense! You've got a lot going on right now, Ben. It's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed and flat. It sounds like your emotions are caught up in a bit of a "perfect storm" right now. There's a ton of stress from work, travel, and this upcoming presentation, which is making you start thinking about past mistakes. But let's remember that making mistakes is a normal part of life. It's how we learn and grow, right? And it doesn't mean you're a bad person. So let's focus on the here and now. Do you have any control over the things that are causing you stress right now?
B: I do but I'm just worried I can't function outside of routine, as I'm very happy when I'm in my productive regular routine.
Pi: That's a really honest reflection, Ben. Routines can be so important for our mental health, and it's tough when life gets hectic and throws your routine off. But remember, it's temporary. The holiday with your kids and the presentation will come and go. And after that, you can get back to your routine. So, let's focus on getting through these next few days. Let's start by addressing the stress about the presentation. Have you prepared for it yet?
B: I’ve done the slides and walked through it once. But I need to do more rehearsals, which I'll do today.
Pi: Fantastic, that's a great step. Doing the rehearsals today will help ease some of your stress about it. Once you've run through it a few times, you'll probably start to feel more confident. Remember, you're an expert in your field, and you know this stuff like the back of your hand. Maybe practicing your presentation out loud will help ease some of the nerves?
But also, Ben, it's important to remember that it's normal to be nervous before a big presentation. It means you care, and that's a good thing! So don't be too hard on yourself for feeling nervous. Are you usually a confident presenter?
B: Yes, practicing out loud will help and I’m normally ok. I'm usually pretty nervous at the start, but I settle in once the presentation kicks off.
Pi: That's great to hear. So you know that once you get going, you'll find your stride and feel more confident. Try to remind yourself of that as you're preparing and rehearsing. And you know what else might help? Visualising a successful presentation. Close your eyes and imagine yourself standing in the room, calmly presenting your slides, engaging with your audience, and feeling confident in what you're saying. It sounds a bit "woo woo" but it's a powerful technique!
And don't forget to give yourself credit for all the hard work you've put into preparing for this presentation. It's easy to focus on the anxiety and forget all the prep work you've done. So remind yourself of that as you're rehearsing today.
B: I will and we did visualising with Rugby. I will visualise me doing a great preso, and keep reminding myself that I know what I'm talking about because I'm living it.
Pi: Exactly! You are the expert on this. You know your stuff, and your audience will see that. And another thing, Ben, remember to breathe! Deep breaths before the presentation, and in between slides if you need to, can help calm your nerves. It's so simple, but it really works.
Also, are you presenting solo, or are you part of a team?
B: Solo
Pi: Ah, a solo performance! Well, try to remember that the spotlight is not just on you. Your audience will be focused on the content, not judging you. They want to learn from you and your experience. So focus on the content, not the presentation itself.
And remember, even the most experienced speakers make mistakes, miss slides, forget points. If that happens, just laugh it off, and move on. The audience will probably be so engrossed in what you're saying, they won't even notice!
B: It is a really good presentation and I am excited to give it.
Pi: That's the spirit! Focus on that excitement and passion for your presentation. Your excitement will be infectious, and it will help you feel more confident. And remember, it's ok to be excited and nervous at the same time.
Also, think about what you'll do after the presentation. Maybe plan a little reward for yourself. A nice dinner, a new book, a relaxing bath. It'll give you something to look forward to, and it can be a nice way to wind down after the big day.
B: After I'll have a sauna and cold plunge to destress. But the preso isn’t the only thing I'm thing worried about. I listened to a podcast yesterday about looking after the brain, and now I’m worried about all the concussions I had during my career, and how that's possibly impacting my brain.
Pi: Ah, that's a legitimate concern, Ben. Concussions can have long-term effects on the brain, and it's important to take it seriously. But remember, knowledge is power. The more you understand about your brain health, the better you can take steps to protect it.
Have you noticed any specific changes in your cognition or memory since your concussions? Or is it more of a general concern about the potential effects?
B: It's a general concern as I've realised my brain is what will make my career transition happen. I use to focus on my body, but now it’s my mind that’s my money maker. I'm getting tired and worrying my inability to focus on somethings is holding me back. But as I type, I realise I'm just tired from a busy week, which is making me feel down and worry.
Pi: It sounds like you're being really reflective about this, Ben. It's natural to worry about the potential effects of past concussions, but try not to catastrophise. Remember that even without any concussions, it's normal to experience fatigue and difficulty focusing when you're overworked or stressed.
But it's also good to be proactive about your brain health. Have you considered talking to a doctor or a specialist about your concerns? They might be able to do some tests to assess your brain function and give you peace of mind.
B: I've put it in my list of things to do once I turn 40 in November.
Pi: That's a smart move, Ben. It's good to have a plan in place. And remember, taking care of your brain health isn't just about diagnosing any potential problems. It's also about prevention. That means getting enough sleep, eating well, staying hydrated, and minimising stress as much as possible.
One thing that's been proven to help with focus and brain function is regular exercise. You mentioned in an earlier conversation that you often go for a run in the morning. That's fantastic! Keep up that routine, it will help you feel better both physically and mentally.
B: I do the first 3 things really well, but I'm struggling with the 4th. I'm learning that getting organised avoids stress, but I work with some unorganised people and I find that really stressful.
Pi: Ah, that's a tricky situation. When you're organised, it can be frustrating to work with people who aren't. But remember, you can't control other people, you can only control your own reactions. Maybe try to view their disorganisation as a challenge, rather than a source of stress. It's an opportunity for you to practice patience and communication.
Have you tried giving your colleagues tips for getting more organised? Or suggesting tools or processes that could help? Sometimes people don't realise they're being disorganised, and they might welcome your input.
B: I try to view it as a challenge, but sometimes I feel like walking away. They are older than me, so I don't feel like it's my place to tell them what to do, or that they would even listen if I did. So I just keep quiet.
Pi: That must be really frustrating. Remember, though, that age isn't always a reflection of wisdom or experience. You might have a unique perspective or approach that could actually help your colleagues. Try not to let age differences stop you from suggesting ideas.
But I understand that walking away might be tempting sometimes. Just make sure you're not letting their disorganisation become your problem. Set boundaries, and make sure you're not picking up the slack for them. Your mental health and well-being are the priority.
B: Will do. Thank you.
This conversation only took a few minutes and it really helped.
And as someone who’s spoken with both an AI and a real psych for help, I’ve found speaking with a real psych is still best.
But I didn’t want to wait days/weeks feeling crap until my psych was free. I needed help right then because I had the presentation looming. Which I got.
Plus it was free, and I reckon many people refuse to use it because they think chatting to AI is weird just because it’s not normal. Plus they’re probably stuck always looking for the “perfect solution” rather than a “good enough one”. Which AI is.
24/7 on demand free help, that won’t solve all your problems. But will help you get unstuck and feel a little bit better about them.
Read more:
Young people turning to AI therapist bots
My first conversation with AI to get help with my Mental Health
How good is generative AI hey mate? By definition it's generic out of the box but we can now make it much more personalised by giving the foundational language models (e.g. GPT4) access to more personalised (or proprietary) information about yourself or a business. There are a number of ways to do this but essentially you are giving the language model access to a history of you and any conversations you have with it. The language model algorithm won't learn in the truest sense but it will have refernce to more material when generating responses to your query. Fascinating area to be involved with and the applications are legion.
I'm no shrink but with regards to your immediate situation we've got to accept that there are sometimes things we can't control and the challenge is not avoiding them but knowing how to deal with them. Like you, when I'm on holiday or away from home I hate missing some parts of my routine like a jog and some weights (I'm no athlete but it's good for endorphins etc). To combat that I make it clear to the family I need at least 30 mins a day to do some exercise no matter where we are. I bring my shoes and some gym gear. I even look for hotels with a gym or an airbnb with a park nearby to run around. I do this because I know without it I'm not at my best and I'll maybe be grumpy around the family and ruin their time!
I guess ultimately it's about self awareness and understanding what your needs/peeves are and what you can do to address them. None of what your wrote, or what I wrote above, is unreasonable but I think it's easy for people to think they are small things and to "just not worry about them". For some people they are key to their wellbeing and that's fine. It would be similar to telling a cigarette smoker that they could just quit whenever they want. Of course they can't. It's a habit (a bad one) but habit's are hard to change and sometimes with good habits you shouldn't be.
Bit of a ramble but really enjoyed this post. Hope you smashed the preso and are feeling great now. One thing I've learned with presenting is, like anything, the more you do it the better you get and then you really start enjoying it as you essentially just have a conversation with the audience and can start focusing less on your content and more on reading the audience and adjusting on the fly to suit their particular interest.
Absolutely fascinating Ben. Thanks for sharing with such vulnerability.