Failure

Who decides if we've failed or not? And focusing on outcomes means we lose sight of the process.

I find this topic hard to write about because I’ve labelled myself a failure in the past and have so many contradicting thoughts about it. So I apologise in advance if this post is a bit all over the place.

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The great value of sports often lies in the metaphors it delivers, like how NBA star Giannis Antetokounmpo last week said there's “no such thing as failure”.

This message applies outside of sports to both business and life, and it resonated with me as I use to view myself and my sporting career as failures.

I never won a title and lost most of my big matches. But growing up, no one (including myself) ever expected me to play for the Brumbies (let alone Australia), and I now look back at my career (and myself) as an overwhelming success.

But not everybody agrees with Giannis, particularly among those with a military background, like Shaquille O’Neal (another NBA star) who are trained to view unaccomplished missions as failures.

In the above video, Shaq states that "failure is the inability to meet expectations," which I interpret that success or failure is determined by others.

And that’s ok, but it raises the question of why we allow other’s expectations to define us and our performance?

What Shaq is saying holds true in critical circumstances, such as military operations where a commander assigns a mission. But it’s generally not applicable to the majority of life, where second chances are available almost every time.

Also, it is worth considering that Shaq’s statement alludes that we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves, because we underestimate the time and effort it takes to achieve something great.

Then when we fail to achieve mission impossible/unrealistic, we beat ourselves up.

This hinders growth and happiness, and I think the “if you don’t succeed in the moment, you’ve failed” mindset has become ingrained in our society and contributing to our nation’s declining mental health.

Why? Because once we deem ourselves to have “failed”, we inadvertently label ourselves as a “failure”. This is not a great place to be, as once you’ve labelled yourself that, your self-esteem will plummet, which will make you less likely to dust yourself off and go again after a set back, because you’ve lost belief in yourself.

After all, “failures” don’t fight back, do they?

IT’S A JOURNEY

In his attempt to prevent his season from being labelled with a certain word, I think Giannis was also trying to point to the significance of the journey (or process) in sports.

“So 50 years from 1970-2021 that we (Milwaukee) didn’t win a championship, it was 50 years of failure? No, it was not. It was steps to it.”

- Giannis Antetokounmpo

What I take away from that quote is that he believes going through the ups and downs of a journey, rather than just a relentless focus on an outcome, is what leads to doing something great.

And while I never wanted this blog to become some corny pep talk, I couldn’t agree more with his perspective and wish I had embraced it earlier in life.

Concentrating on outcomes at the expense of the process is a trap I still fall into often, and it’s a lesson that’s applicable to almost every aspect of life.

I know it’s corny AF, but we’re all on a journey with ups and downs

An example is when I use to be fixated on losing weight.

I use to weigh myself daily instead of concentrating on the factors that contribute to weight loss, such as eating and sleeping better.

But why? Why do we fixate on results?

Stress likely plays a significant role, which leads to tunnel vision and missing the big picture, and we become focused on achieving something we think that will make us feel good and solve our problems.

Like at the moment for me, I’m over focusing on transitioning my work back to Alfred full-time. Which is a great goal, but I keep over focusing on achieving that rather than focusing on the steps that will get me there, like improving the app so it helps more users lose weight and have more energy.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe goals are important as they set us on a certain path. But I’ll never get down that path if I’m not paying attention to where I am at present, and what I need to do next.

Not sure that makes sense, but like I said, I’m finding it challenging to write about this as I have many contradicting thoughts about it.

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Thanks for reading. I believe this conversation is so important for our nation's mental health because it encourages a more balanced and nuanced understanding of success and failure. An understanding I hope will build resilience and self-compassion in the face of setbacks, and give people the energy to dust themselves off and go again.

Also, aside from some interviews I’m excited to share in the coming weeks, I’m going to take a break from writing so I can focus fully on Alfred for a while. And I feel a big part of why I’ve been writing well recently is that I’ve been managing my time and energy well, and not let too much get on my plate. Which is something I’m keen to continue and why writing needs to take the back seat for a bit.