I fear Alfred will fail and I think this is the biggest thing holding me back and causing me to procrastinate.
Writing these brain dumps has led me to this conclusion, as talking openly about my battle with perfectionism and how I’m trying to develop the courage to be disliked has really helped.
Now to do something about this fear instead sitting around being scared.
Well… proving to myself that I can write a blog in 25 minutes has helped me believe that I don’t need to spend hours trying to perfect each blog, which has removed any angst or stress I had with writing. Plus pushing past the fear of speaking my mind about the fitness industry’s predatory behaviour has made me realise that a lot of people agree!
Predatory behaviour that only sets people up to fail as they know any new customer will set unrealistic goals because they feel fat, and happy to pay someone else to make this feeling go away.
But when they’re unable to keep up with the strict regime of dieting and workouts, they fall into a heap and feel worse about themselves, ultimately leading to their self-esteem sinking lower and the stress eating returns.
I should know. I’ve been there.
Now I’m not saying the entire industry does this and that every dollar spent on health and wellness is a waste, but so much of that economy now revolves around profiting on people’s insecurities.
Hell, I’m trying to make business in this industry too, but I believe I put our user’s best interests above profits and think weight loss can be as simple as “eating mindfully” and “exercising with friends”. And if people can eat mindfully without using Alfred or tracking their food, then great! But tracking has worked for me, and I think it can work for anyone who isn’t trying to chase unrealistic goals.
But now onto fear number 3, failure. I thought I was well past this fear as I’ve lost tons of huge rugby matches and learned that worrying about failing actually increases the likelihood that you will. But I guess it’s because of how much I’ve sacrificed and committed to Alfred that would make it so hard if I decide to wrap it up.
I’ve put my family through a lot since retiring, including unwisely selling our home right before the pandemic to fund the 4th version of Alfred, after I spent most of our savings on the first 3 attempts trying to get Alfred built and into the app store. Not to mention the stress I caused when I kept spending while the Dock was closed during the lockdowns.
But Jen and I have spoken about this at length and she knows I’m just following my heart as I always have with my work, and has backed me every step of the way.
So how do I overcome this fear? Well, according to YouTube, step 1 is to define what “success” looks like.
I’ve always thought that if Alfred helps just one person (besides me) to stop beating themselves up for what they eat, then it’s a success, which it has. But I don’t want to stop there.
So Ben, how many people do you want to help? Well… as many as I can because there’s people all over the world who suffer how I use to.
But isn’t that setting my goals too high and perhaps trying to help people all over the planet is a bridge to far? I think the answer might be yes, and that I’ve set myself and the team an almost impossible task, and the fear and stress is coming from the fact that I’m not completely sure how I’m going to go about doing it.
But I need to try as this is too important of an issue for us not to have a crack.
Our current system can help a 1000 people eat mindfully at a time, but I’m going to need lots of help to automate large parts of the system so it can handle the millions of meals it will be sent each day. Currently, we’ve had over 150,000 meals tracked with Alfred in the first 20ish months, and I feel really good about that.
But the more I think about it, the more I realise the goal of Alfred isn’t to get everyone to track their food. It’s help people realise that great things happen when you make your energy and health your top priority.
Alright, I’m starting to feel better and now for to step 2 for overcoming my fears according to Youtube, which is to talk about what I’d do if Alfred goes belly up.
The Dock is back humming, and Jen and I both have good jobs so we’ll be ok. Lots of scar tissue and some regrets, but I think I’ll mostly be proud of myself for having a crack and our daughters will continue to have a great life.
But where would I channel my creative energy and work on something that I believe is improving the lives of others? I’d probably do more for Running 4 Resilience as that community is just so fucking awesome to be a part of, and I’m a big believer that you have to find work that you love, something my Dad told me as a kid and it’s served me well so far.
But I think a lot of fear is coming from the fact that I don’t know where I would find work that I find as emotionally rewarding as playing Rugby was, outside of Alfred.
The work I do at KPMG is interesting and I’m learning lots of new skills, but I guess I need to accept that I’ll never have all the answers right now, and trust that the dots will somehow connect down the road. It’s ok Ben to not have all the answers.
But who knows… perhaps Alfred might work and all this worrying will be for nothing!
Thanks for reading as writing these brain dumps are making me feel more confident about Alfred’s chances and giving me the energy and courage to crack on with the work.
Also, I think it’s great people are willing to spend so much money on their health, and to prove I don’t think every health product is a complete rip-off, here’s a list of what I spend each year on my health and fitness:
Parkrun: FREE
Running 4 Resilience: FREE
Tuesday Trotter Running group: Have to shout coffees once a month
Fitness First Membership: $26 per week (Only in winter as I love the sauna, but rarely use the gym)
Yoga with Mady: FREE
Nike running shoes: A new pair every 600-800kms (every 6 months roughly) - $180 each
Oura Ring: Approx $400aud. Just bought my 2nd one after buying my first 3 years ago.
Strava premium yearly subscription: $89
Alfred yearly subscription: $59
We buy some organic food, mostly for the girls (additive-free sausages, chemical-free fruit and veg) and I buy 10-12 Gym Meals every week for Jen and I. The Chicken Laska and Korean Beef Bowl ones are 👌👌👌 and Jen loves the Miso Salmon.
Athletic Greens: Trialling it at the moment, but still unsure whether the benefits are worth the $$$ and I basically tried it just because Joe Rogan told me too lol.
A nice new pillow every other year.
Apple Watch (4 years old)
PS: Happy father’s day to all the Dad’s out there. We rock!
Firstly, I love that you said “fucking” and used it to add emphasis, not just for the fu... sake of it.
Let me know about Athletic Greens. Rich Roll and Huberman promote them too but I don’t trust paid advertising.
Happy Father’s Day Ben - great read!!!!