Challenge #2
Time to defeat the fear of being disliked
Yesterday’s brain dump helped me realise that my perfectionism comes from a fear of being disliked, and now it’s time to deal with that too. My fear of being disliked stems from my childhood when we moved around a lot and I was desperate to make friends whenever I got to a new school.
But it also comes from a piece of advice my Grandma gave me that still rings loud and clear in my head which is “Ben… if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. Something I’ve tried to live by, but I’ve come to realise that sometimes you need to have a hard conversation and say something that may not be deemed as “nice”.
So what do you have to say Ben that you've been holding back?
I think the fitness industry preys on people’s insecurities. There. I said it. And now that I have it actually doesn’t sound that stupid and I’m sure a lot of you would agree. I have lots of friends in this industry who are just trying to make a living, and I guess I’m worried about offending them and that you’ll think I’ve lost my marbles by saying I’m going fix it all.
But I’ve realised it's time I develop the courage to be disliked and speak what I think in order to help people whose self-esteem is suffering because they eat to deal with stress like I do.
Now I’m not saying the whole industry is trying to cash in on human vulnerability, but I think a huge amount is, pushing the latest fad diets, 12-week challenges or workout routines all in the name of having a new product to sell and revenue targets to hit.
Now I’m also not saying these diets, exercises and challenges don’t work in the short term, and can be a way for people to kick start their better health journey. But I feel they only set people up for failure because they don’t get the person to think long term.
What happens after the 12 weeks? And what happens if you hate the food and can’t stick to that strict diet or workout plan because life happens?
Usually stress is what happens, as people beat themselves up for not being able to follow it exactly, and the outlet for relieving stress (exercise) or the diet that was supposed to make the person feel better starts becoming a chore and stops them from enjoying life.
I think anyone can lose weight and feel better about themselves if they want to, but I think the fitness and diet industry has confused the general public about what it takes, to the point where people have lost faith in themselves, and think they need to pay a PT or dietician a bucketload to help them figure it out.
Yes those types of people have important information, but they will charge you an arm and a leg to have it. Especially when and all the info you need is free on the Internet. Plus PTs will never tell you “just go for a few walks or jogs each week with friends” because there’s no money to be made in that.
If you’re one of these people reading this, I’m not sorry as someone who was always confused by diet culture and in the “fat club” for most of my professional athletic career, I think it’s time I speak up and have the courage to be disliked.
I was a member of a popular HIIT/Circuit training gym. I liked it a lot. I was in possibly the worst shape of my life when I started. I remember going there with my shirt tucked in because my shirt would slide up during certain exercises. I have NEVER been a tucked in guy. It was really good though. I liked how it catered for all ages and fitness levels. By the time I left that gym I was in close to the best shape I have ever been in to this day.
That said, It was me who did thew work. They just provided an (expensive) environment to do it in. Some weeks I was doing 11 classes per week. Which is a nod to the environment they'd created. I enjoyed it enough to go that often. These gym's are franchises though and I think I was lucky to find a franchise with a great owner (former NRL player but more importantly a fuckin' legend of a bloke) who refused to hire anyone that didn't share his same values.
Being a franchise though, it was mandatory for them to run the country wide 8, 10, 12 week challenges. I always took issue with these because I have never believed in them. I refused to do them. They would do a 'fitness test' of sorts at the start of each challenge, then do the same test at the end of the challenge. I remember I considered doing one once, but when I saw the food plan I scoffed. I was burning between 300-500 calories per class. The food plan had days where you ate only 1100 calories per day.
You don't have to be a dietitian to work out that at that intake you would lose weight without even training. What I found disturbing was the incentive of prizes for the people who lost the most weight/BF% throughout the challenge. So essentially, they were incentivising people to train more, on less fuel. Fuckin' dangerous. At the end of the challenge they would have a party, which is great. consolidate that community feeling among members, make new friends etc, all good. But, they'd have it at a pub with free booze. So essentially saying you are allowed to have a massive blow out after working hard for an extended period of time. Whilst I agree people deserved to let their hair down after such a challenge, I don't think it's the right message to send.
I'm not an expert by any stretch, but from my lived experience I've formed the view that long term, sustainable results, come from a long term, sustainable approach. Fad diets and challenges might give someone the kick start they need, but they sell a lie.
So, why don't they have a challenge to kick start people then a transition period where the guide people back to a more long term and sustainable approach? Easy, because then you no longer have a need for them. How can you sell something to someone when you've already sold them everything you have?
I would love to see a world where the fitness industry told people the truth, "you will put some weight back on after this challenge, however, this will be a great kick start for you to then move into a more sustainable lifestyle where you just burn more than you consume over a 7 day period".
The modern world is riddled with greed and honestly, I don't think we will ever see it revert. Dog eat dog type shit.
I think the key is to use our logical brains when considering things like this. "Will someone get a financial gain from me doing this?". If the answer is yes, that needs to be front of mind when considering things like this.
Never take nutrition advice from a personal trainer, especially one from the internet.
Benny - You are definitely not disliked by me!
You make some very strong and valid comments. For me - my biggest investment in myself has been the psychological investment. The complete shift in mindset while easy to say, harder to do.
I love your work. Keep being you.